No matter how well you shelter your children they are going to at some point hear about terror attacks.
It is up to you as their caregiver to make sure that they know how to handle frightening news. Children need four things to live happily: to feel safe, to feel loved, to have suitable housing, and access to healthy food.
Making sure your children feel safe is one of the most important jobs of a parent. If children feel safe then they suffer less anxiety and are better able to cope if and when bad things happen.
The most shocking thing about Monday’s attack in Manchester is that it targeted children and teenagers. The result of this is that unlike other terror attacks your children may have heard about this one profoundly affects every kid who has ever gone to or wanted to go to a concert, every Ariana Grande fan and all of their friends. These kids may now feel deeply unsafe.
When I was nine one of my friends was stabbed to death. It was shocking, terrifying, and incredibly sad but to my (at the time) great shame my biggest response to it was the fear that if it could happen to my friend it could happen to me. My auntie seemed to sense my fear and she put her arm around me and said these deeply healing and reassuring words,
“Things like this are tragedies. Tragic things only happen once in a lifetime. You do not need to worry about this happening to you or anyone else you know ever again.”
With these words I was able to release my fears and just simply grieve for the loss of my friend. It may have been a “white lie” as who can truly know how many tragedies we will face in our lives but it was a very necessary lie for me to hear at that age and it reassured me that the world was indeed a safe place for me.
Ask your children have they heard about what happened in Manchester. If they have, then speak to them about it. Ask them what they know and correct any inconsistencies (without of course adding any alarming details). Tell your kids that things like this are tragedies that happen very rarely and that they never need worry about the same happening to them or anyone they love.
Reassure your kids that the world is a safe place and that you will always be there for them and that your goal is to make sure they always feel safe and loved. Ask them what they feel they need to feel safe. Ask them what their fears are.
Try not to expose them to any pictures from Manchester on TV or the internet and try and distract them when they get home from school. It might be a good day for a trip to the beach or to start a gardening project. Anything to get them offline and away from exposure to people talking about the awful tragic events of last night.
If your child is particularly upset, getting very anxious or seems obsessed then call a counsellor or child therapist to make an urgent appointment. If you have any doubts seek professional help.
Our work as parents is to make our children feel safe and loved. It is challenging work at a time like this using the pointers above you should be able to guide your child through the sad and frightening events of last night.
