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12th Oct 2023

‘Am I selfish for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mum?’

Anna Martin

mum

Being able to stay at home is a luxury for some parents but for others, it feels like they can never get a break.

For one mum, staying at home to raise her two kids over the last seven months has become too much, but she doesn’t know what to do.

Turning to Reddit for advice, she expressed her frustration with her current situation and the apparent lack of support she has received from family members.

“I love my children and I feel selfish to even say this but I’m just over staying home and not having any money and help with the kids or really getting any time to myself,” she explained.

“In the beginning, I was looking forward to staying home with the kids for a year but I guess it’s not really what I expected.

“I vented to my mother about how I felt about my situation and she pretty much told me I should be thankful and blessed that I can stay home and be with my kids. I do agree, but I’m just not happy at all anymore.”

The Reddit user explained that her fiancé works full-time and makes good money but somehow he manages to find time to do the things he loves and meet his friends while she feels stuck at home.

She goes on to explain that trying to come up with things to entertain her 3-year-old and 7-month-old has taken its toll on her and she just wants more freedom.

The woman added: “I want to go to the gym but it’s like my fiancé makes a big deal about who’s going to watch the kids when I’m away because he’s not.. if I do decide to even work I’ll probably be the one paying for childcare and it’s not like I’ll really have any money after the fact.”

Her fellow Reddit users seemed to all come to one conclusion and it had nothing to with her and all to do with her fiancé.

“This is a fiancé problem. He needs to understand that for you to be a good mother, you need support. He needs to step up,” penned one.

Another seemed to agree writing: “Sounds like the problem is your partner, and perhaps it’s not actually being a stay-at-home parent.

“If you had someone to watch the kids while you work out, or go shopping, or whatever other things you do for ‘me time’, things might feel easier for you.”

While a third commented: “Your husband needs to be involved with the family. Gone are the days when he just goes to work and leaves everything else to you. Something tells me this is part of a bigger problem.”

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