When people (invariably) ask me if he is a good sleeper I usually respond with “Sleeper? God, no. But he’s a really good reveller – life and soul of the party”.
In the two years that I’ve had him, I’ve started to question whether I have ever even seen The Child asleep. Largely because of the phrase “can’t beat ’em, join ’em” I’ve worked hard to shift perceptions of the so-called “bad sleepers”.
So here are my top ten ways to reframe your so-called “bad” sleepers:
1 Any time people express pity over the no sleeping I counter with; “buuuuut I get to spend so much more quality time with my son, so much better than just lying unconscious in my bed nearby.”
2 When people ask how I manage to function on so little sleep, I like to remind them that I can stay on top of all my personal admin with all the extra hours in my day.
3 There are also financial perks for parents of ‘revellers’: I am always awake to avail of the better energy rates for using large appliances in the middle of the night.
4 I have masterminded a fourth meal sandwiched somewhere between dinner and breakfast called Dinnfast and it’s scrumptialicious.
5 Ask me anything, ANYTHING, about This American Life or any other podcast for that matter. I am so up on podcasts it’s not even funny.
6 Although when you’re this tired loads of things seem really funny, it’s like a mild high, a sort of sleep deprivation-induced hysteria, and I’m lovin’ it.
7 I have developed a talent for sleeping where ever at will, a bit like a cat. Basically, if I am left unsupervised for any length of time, I’m liable to go to sleep. I have slept in the bathroom, just for a few minutes reprieve – this was on a visit to a friends house.
8 Reveller babies also help you keep fit and burn calories (so you can really tuck into dinnfast) by allowing you to carry them around the house 24 hours a day.
9 You can buy them cute clothes emblazoned with “Sleep Thief” and enjoy a quiet, bitter, little laugh to yourself when people comment on it.
10 You can commit a serious crime and build your defence on prolonged sleep deprivation-induced insanity.
“Good” sleepers are OUT, so lacklustre and boring. Join me in championing the spirited “bad” sleepers.
