Christmas is one of the most fun times of the year but come on, it’s also fairly hectic.
Between the present shopping, turkey basting and liver-pickling, it can all start to feel a bit mental. That last thing we, heroic if a little harried, parents need is pesky questions about “what’s Santa bringing?” and “where are you doing Christmas?” both of which can be a political minefield to my battered and sleep-deprived psyche.
“I don’t know what Santa’s bringing because I’ve been unable to penetrate the queues at Argos,” is my shrieking, frenzied reply. As for the location of Christmas, that may well be the most controversial question posed since the mother-in-law asked who was sitting at the top table at my wedding.
10 Most dangerous thing to say to parents at Christmas:
1. “Are you all set for Christmas?”
Oh the terror this question now induces…
2. “This is for you.” (After the whole family had agreed back in November to only do kids presents this year.)
FFS – Now I look like the scabbiest in-law in the pack.
3. “I thought YOU were ordering the turkey.” (The Man to me when I asked where the turkey was.)
Uh Oh.
4.” We got him this toy drum kit…”
Said one of our (now former) friends.
5. *ANY jokey references to the fact that Santa doesn’t exist.*
Not cool. We’re trying to preserve magic here.
6. “Why don’t you bring him into town with you? (The Man to me about The Child)”
It’s barely advisable to try shopping with my son on the other 360 days of the year never mind when town is like the Hunger Games.
7. “Where’s the wrapping paper/ stockings/ Sellotape/ scissors???”
Why, just WHY, doesn’t HE ever know where the wrapping paper/ stockings/ Sellotape/ scissors are?
8. “What did we get my mother for Christmas?”
Oh he is living dangerously this year…
9. “I’m sorry, there are no Hatchimals left.”
The guy in Argos breaking the news gently to me.
10. “Who ate all the Roses???”
I have been chronically sleep-deprived for more than two years, it is my prerogative to eat all the Roses.
