Toddlers are just a different breed altogether, aren’t they? I mean, gone is your tiny, innocent, much-better-behaved baby, and in its place is this loud, hyper, determined, constantly-moving, stubborn, eager, (and amazing) little person.
Rules don’t apply to them. Logic is wasted on them. They will win every battle, test every limit, climb every peak and drive you both bonkers and around the bend.
The thing is though (and this is their saving grace!), toddlers are also the cutest creatures imaginable (something I think is a clever little evolutionary twist, keeping you from ever getting too mad at them!).
Seriously, just when I think I am four pieces of Lego, some failed potty training and a peanut butter-covered sofa away from the mental hospital, my very own toddler will do something sooo cute (kiss me/ hug his sister/attempt to clean the ruined sofa himself) that I totally forget about his crazed antics only moments before. Such is life as a toddler mama…
And the fun doesn’t end at peanut butter and potty training. Oh no.
Here are 10 crazy rules my toddler seems to live by:
1. Getting your nappy changed is the The Worst That Can Happen, and you must object every way you can
Also, the minute those grown-ups turn around, you must whip that nappy off and make them try to wrestle you into it again.
2. The higher up you can be, the better
Life is one big climb in my book. And don’t worry if you fall, toddlers are UNBREAKABLE, didn’t you know?
3. If someone suggests you should take a nap, use all available energy to stay awake
I repeat: Do. Not. Go. Down. Without. A. Fight.
4. If your mum tries to go to the bathroom, follow her
Maybe she is trying to eat a chocolate bar or packet of crisps without you. Or she might just want some alone time. Under no circumstances should you let your adult have alone time.
5. If your mum has an important deadline or there is a holiday coming up, you must get sick
Anything will do, but extra points for vomiting bugs. Or bronchitis or pneumonia, or both.
6. Screaming is the best way of getting any information across
If you are happy, scream. If you are sad, scream louder. If your mum won’t buy you that Lightning McQueen car at the Disney store, scream as if your life depended on it.
7. If your mum tries to pull you in for a kiss, run away
If she looks very busy on the phone or trying to fold laundry, however, be ALL over her and scream for hugs and kisses and chocolate and a puppy and everything else you can think to scream about.
8. When you meet someone new, you should always either stick your fingers in their mouth or poke one of their eyes
This just shows that you are excited and that you’d like to know more about them.
9. Meal times should always involve a good battle scene
Never let them be sure of what you actually like. Keep them on their toes. Agreed to peas yesterday? You must HATE them today. Same goes for ALL food. I repeat, ALL. FOOD.
10. You should always try to make everything around you sticky
Floors. Walls. Your mum’s new leather boots. Your sister’s hair. The remote control. The inside of the car. Keep them guessing what the substance in question is, also. Apple juice yesterday? Not apple juice today…
DO YOU have a toddler in your house? What crazy rules do they seem to go by? Join the conversation with us on Twitter @HerFamilydotie
