Before The Child became a toddler he was an adorable, virtually immobile, very manageable baby.
Then overnight he dragged himself up onto all fours and then ultimately to standing on his own two feet and roared to life like a crazed baby dinosaur. I didn’t realise immediately what a profound shift of power was about to take place. To continue on the Jurassic theme, suddenly The Child was like a wild, overtired, giddy T-Rex and The Man and I were Sam Neill and Laura Dern fleeing from his snarling yet adorably clumsy rampage of snots, leg hugs, bites and sticky fingers.
10 mad things no one told me about toddlers:
1. Toddlers are evil masterminds
2. Toddlers do not care about you or your feelings. “But that makes muma sad,” I say desperately trying to instil a bit of empathy, to which he responds by laughing maniacally.
3. Toddlers only want to DESTROY.
4. Toddlers need CONSTANT monitoring.
5. Toddlers never want to go to bed.
6. Toddlers are NOT to be trusted.
7. It cannot be overstated just how much toddlers resemble tiny, belligerent drunk people.
8. Toddlers laugh in their sleep. It’s creepy.
9. Toddler learn at a crazy rate.
10.Toddlers are so SO loving.
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