On television and in the movies couples snuggle up in bed, bodies intertwined (often after the best sex ever) with big smiles on their faces and then they wake up perfectly rested and looking glorious.
In reality, things are a lot less perfect. We’re talking opposite sides of the bed, mouths hanging open and bags as big as Ireland under our eyes.
Not that those are bad things, they’re just a fact of family life… not that that’s enough to ease our annoyance in the middle of the night when we can’t sleep.
Oh no, we go on a mental rant and often direct a lot of question at the man lying next to us. Here are just a few of the thoughts that run through our heads:
How much duvet does one person need?
Sometimes we reckon he forgets that there’s someone sleeping beside him who is just as cold as he is. There’s this thing called sharing and it doesn’t just apply to money and the school run. In fact, we’d be happy to do the school run in the morning if we’d had a decent and WARM night’s sleep.
Via pinterest.com
Did he slap me on the face by accident or is he just pretending to be asleep?
We’ve definitely done some things and then pretended to be asleep (you know what we’re talking about). And we know that he’d never actually slap us but sometimes we can’t help but wonder if he woke up after making contact and just couldn’t be bothered apologising.
Does he know that he snores?
Surely someone would have told him he snores before now and surely he would care enough to get some of those nasal strips. Like seriously, how is he not waking himself up? It sounds like there’s a train right outside our house.
Should I wake him?
Ah, the age-old question that there is no right answer to. Wake him and you risk having a grouchy man in the morning. Don’t wake him and you’ll be so annoyed that you’ll end up having an argument with him in the morning, resulting in the same grouchy man. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Via reddit.com
Why did I decide to spend the rest of my life with this man?
Don’t answer that.
Is that the baby?
This will then be followed by two other questions: “Can he not hear that?” and shortly afterwards, “How can he not hear that?!” The reason he can’t hear that is because he has man-hearing. It’s a bit like man-flu. In other words, he’s useless unless you wake him.
Do I look like THAT when I sleep?
It is undoubtedly the most unattractive time of the day but let’s face it, there’s not much one can do to improve one’s sleeping face. Moral of the story: sleep with your faces turned away from each other and live happily ever after.
Via giphy.com
Does he know what he just did in my dream?
We’ve all had dreams in which our other halves do something to hurt us. The fact that he doesn’t know what he did and that it didn’t actually happen, doesn’t matter. He should still apologise. End of story.
Why can’t we be like one of those movie couples that sleeps peacefully?
We’ll tell you why, it’s because they don’t exist. Real couples have sleepless nights, crying kids and can actually feel the discomfort caused by elbows and knees in awkward positions. They also sweat when snuggled right in next to each other. It’s just not practical.
Why don’t we have two separate beds?
Sure we don’t have the space or the money but we could make it happen… then again, we’d miss the cuddles and the pre-sleep chats.
