Christmas has always been my favourite time of year. I love the eating spree and the all the presents for sure, but my favourite aspect of the festive season is that giddy party mood that just seems to take over everyone for the week of Christmas.
With The Child now becoming a more and more imposing (some might say tyrannical) presence in the household I’ve noticed that Christmas has undergone a fairly significant transformation. Instead of relaxing and luxuriating in velvet and glitter party dresses and lunchtime wines in the run-up to the big day, I’m finding myself stressing (and skulling a few lunchtime wines) and shopping while in a fug of panic and overheating in the run-up to the big day. I just can’t seem to get myself organised anymore – admittedly it may be the lunchtime wines, but I think post-kids we can all agree Christmas changes enormously… for the better.
10 ways Christmas post-kids bears no resemblance to Christmas pre-kids:
1. Experiencing actual Fear at the thoughts of Toy Master
When people ask if you’re all set for Christmas, you feel a palpable fear in the pit of your stomach and an urge to panic-buy everything in there.
2. Immaculate abstention
No hangover on Christmas morning is a revelation.
3. The 12 Pubs of Christmas becomes The 12 Tubs of Christmas
Tubs of Roses that is – Probably our fault for buying the first one back in November and averaging two a week since.
4. Obligation gift list grows exponentially
Teachers, minders, dog sitters, cleaners, lactation consultants, baby yoga instructors, baby massage instructors, piano teachers – since when to we have a Donatella Versace-esque team of people helping us to function on a daily basis? And what the hell are we supposed to get them?
5. Hark the Herald Angels sing…. has NEVER been cuter
The school Christmas concert is a MAJOR feel good moment though steel yourself, you will be sitting through a lot of kids who’s cuteness does not come close to our little angels. Resist the urge to heckle, this is definitely frowned upon.
6. Christmas Eve Drinks is now Christmas Eve NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
This is mainly due to an early onset hangover from three glasses of mulled wine and the realisation that you have nothing wrapped.
7. The Christmas Day Lie In is now a Christmas Day Cry In…
… When they wake you up at 3.45 am looking for presents.
8. Your customary Christmas Day nap is cancelled forever
I still valiantly attempt mine but somehow the post-dinner coma nap is never as restful with a toddler using your body as a race car track/ flesh puppet/ punching bag/ trampoline.
9. All of a sudden you find yourself loving Love Actually
Pre-kids we made fun of Love Actually for its bizarre blend of Schmaltz, occasional misogyny, portrayal of fake politics and casting Hugh Grant as a hilariously ineffectual Prime Minister clearly bullshitting his way through his new job. Post-kids we all walk around like overly–sentimental hormonal adolescents ready to weep copiously at any whiff of love or family or learning or growing or bonding. From that first airport scene proclaiming that “Love actually is all around us…” we’re goners.
10. All of a sudden ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…
The feeling that we are not getting the time to savour all the Christmas festivities plagues me during Christmas, there’s so many people to catch up with and kids to cuddle and Home Alones to watch. Pre-kids I never worried that I wasn’t living in the moment enough or spending long enough smelling my baby’s head but that’s what parenthood gives you the sudden realisation that whether it’s Christmas with loved ones or wines with friends or your baby’s precious toddlerhood, it’s all flying by far too fast.
