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So you’re wrecked. Total sleep deprivation; vomit in your hair; endless nappy changes and wondering how the hell you’re going to keep it together.
Then your baby smiles for the first time, and in an instant, it’s all worth it.
Not that newborn’s reflex ‘smile’ – that’s involuntary neurological activity (or wind), but the ‘social smile’ at about 6 weeks. This is the real deal, for pleasure, contentment and sheer delight at your presence. Once your baby cracks a real smile, there’s a torrent of emotions.
You feel…Fireworks! That heart-stopping, amazing, other-worldly smile suddenly changes them from a helpless bundle of reflexes into a person, and you can see the light of consciousness in their eyes.
You feel… Loved. So unconditionally, all-encompassingly adored. You are brilliant; hilarious; the centre of the universe.
You feel…Fear. You think of all of the bad things in the world that you want to protect your child from and you’re a tigress. What if they get bullied? What if someone breaks their heart? You want to live to 104 and always be there for them, and vow to take better care of yourself so you can.
You feel…That you’re doing a good job. That little toothless grin reaffirms your motherhood and your heart explodes; self-doubt melts away and you realise that mounting laundry; a jelly belly and kitchen chaos are irrelevant – you’re doing everything right.
You feel…Understood. You’ve been yammering away to the baby about random things all day every day, and once they smile at you, it’s like they’re in total agreement. You’ve got yourself a little tiny cheerleader; your new BFF.
Most importantly, you realise that it really does get better. The demands of motherhood may never get easier, but after weeks of exhaustion and disruption and poo, that beautiful smile is positive reinforcement for everything you’ve done and frankly, you’d do anything to see more of it. You have a lifetime of smiles ahead!
