Let me start by saying, I appreciate every single gift and thoughtful gesture I received from friends and family when I had my babies. I do.
And without some of those hipster baby clothes and hilarious books (‘Go the Fuck To Sleep‘), I would not have all the cute and hilarious keepsakes I am so fond of. Promise. But if I could do it all again, I would be outright rude, and just ask for these things.
The ultimate gift wish list should include these things:
1. Dinner delivered direct to your door
Oh, Deliveroo, where were you when I needed you. How helpful would it be to have a lovely dinner delivered every night for the first month after baby arrives until you’re in the swing of things. Bliss. Sales of pre-prepared, four-minute M&S ravioli would go down in an instant.
2. A voucher for a night nurse
For the same price as a few cutesy baby outfits, you could get a voucher for a midwife/night nurse to do a whole night of feeding baby (if they are on bottles or expressed milk and you can last the night without your boobs exploding, that is). Imagine the joy parents would get from one whole night of uninterrupted sleep!
3. A visit from a lactation consultant
For the feeding mamas, of course. A one-on-one session after you get home from hospital could really help the whole breastfeeding experience during the first few weeks at home, even if breastfeeding is going swimmingly, a consultant will give you invaluable advice on how much to feed, how to feed more efficiently, how much to express, when to start and what time of day is best. I am a lactation consultant pimp; I think they are that worthwhile.
4. A night away alone…
I can’t stress how valuable this was to my mental state a few months after I had my second. I literally ran away to the west of Ireland. I could taste the freedom in my mouth; the feeling of being ‘me’ again was almost tangible. One night alone, to sleep, think non-baby-bubble thoughts, and spend time with myself again was all I needed to save my sanity. For another month at least…
5. Homemade, healthy, one-handed treats for just ME
I can’t remember how many days I’d wake up with the intention of making protein energy balls and all sorts of healthy cacao, almond butter and coconut concoctions. I wanted so badly to have healthy treats with my daily coffee, but time and energy were not my friends and good intentions quickly converted into an Avoca carrot cake muffin and coffee. Every morning. If I could do it all again, this is what I would want – a constant supply of healthy treats with all-natural ingredients. The best present any new mum could ever want – sweet treats without feeling too guilty to munch while you feed. Bingo.
6. Somebody to come into my house and banish every copy of The Contended Little Baby parenting book by Gina Ford.
If I could turn back time, this is the one gift I really wish I had been given. This too-strict baby routine book nearly sent me to a mental asylum after my first. I spent hours and days wondering why the hell my baby wouldn’t sleep and wake exactly when Gina said she would? Maybe this method of putting a new baby into a military-like routine of sleeping and waking works for some mothers, but in hindsight, I was brainwashed by Gina who promised that if my new baby didn’t sleep now, she would NEVER EVER be able to self-settle and sleep. I realised pretty quick-smart, thankfully, that my baby was not in fact a robot. From my demented, tearful experiences of feeling like I was doing it ALL wrong, I urge every mum NEVER to read this, and if you do, make sure it’s when the baby is, at least, six-months-old. Routines are not for new babies, Gina. End of.
7. A Supermum-a-gram
Quite sure this does not exist. But it should. A real life person to come to your door every day after you have a baby to give you a hug and tell you that you are, in fact, a bonafide SUPERWOMAN! Reckon there good be a good business in this idea!
