Parenthood
The 8 stages of losing hours of your life to internet parenting forums
You're not alone, mama

I have yet to feel compelled to post on an online forum, but I am endlessly grateful to others who do so that I can lurk away and find answers to niche questions like 'infant poo looks like wholegrain mustard' and 'is it weird that toddler bites everyone?"

As much as I am grateful for the existence of the online forum, however, I also kind of wish that they didn't exist. Just think how many hours of life I could have expended in a more worthwhile way if it weren't for the bloody community forums. Maybe it's just me, but I find any time I stray on there for even just a second I become immediately sidetracked by random other forums, often ones that don't have anything to do with me whatsoever.

8 Stages of Losing Hours of Your Life to Internet Parenting Forums:

Stage 1: Google something fairly innocuous

"When is a good age to begin potty training?" is a question I've been mulling over lately ever since The Child has taken to demanding that I change his nappy just minutes before the impending poo which results in me witnessing a lot of live poos. I can't tell if he's planning it this way or not...

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Stage 2: Freak out when the innocuous search throws up some completely terrifying piece of side info

Info that you have NEVER heard of before and are naturally now panicking about. The Internet just has that knack of making you worry about things you never even CONSIDERED worrying about – like too much hugging.

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Stage 3: Start frantically googling the side info to verify that, as a woman on one forum claims, rice cakes cause diabetes in infants

I just can't keep up with the devilment rice cakes are up to these days. I just know sooner or later I'm going to get confused and offer the baby crack because of a misleading online study.

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Stage 4: After ascertaining that rice cakes aren't doing any lasting damage become sidetracked by a forum debating unusual early pregnancy symptoms

A word on this: Look long enough and EVERYTHING becomes an early pregnancy symptom.

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Stage 5: Start to panic that the itchy feet you've been experiencing are secret foetus-caused

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Stage 6: Have a glass of wine to steady the nerves

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Stage 7: Become distracted by endless debates about early pregnancy test reliability

Start to wonder if you should do a test and just get it out of your mind.

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Stage 8: Remember that you are, in fact, on your period

And remember that this kind of thing always happens whenever you go on internet parenting forums.

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Have you lost years of your life to the parenting forums? What's your most googled queries? Tell us in the comments...

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parenting, being a parent, being a mum, parent fail, millennial mums