There is no denying that becoming someone’s mum does indeed turn the world on its side – especially for those first couple of months.
There is the lack of sleep to deal with, of course. And the leaky boobs. And the nappies. And just about everything else that, to you, is just so brand new.
And while you will adapt to all these changes pretty quickly (you are AH-MAZING!), don’t think it stops here. Oh no. This is just the beginning. And as you venture further into the jungle that is parenthood, you will continue to be stunned by all the fun, weird and flat out crazy side-effect that comes from being a mum:
Don’t believe us? Here are some of the things they don’t tell you about becoming a mum.
1. You will now perpetually be late for everything
You might think that you won’t become one of those parents who can’t get their s**t together and be on time for things, but you wait and see. The Murphy’s Law of children dictates that the more in a hurry you are, the slower those little legs will move.
2. You will start resenting the fact that your pets also have needs
Why does everyone have to torture you with their bowel movements?! WHY?!
3. You will start showering at night instead of in the morning
This has two reasons, really. One, there is NO time to shower in the morning when you have kids. As in; you are lucky if you have time to put pants on! And two; come the end of the day, you will now feel stickier and smellier than you have ever felt in your life, meaning that shower will feel sooo good.
4. While in the shower, you will start hearing phantom cries
Even if you now have moved your shower to a time when you kids are (supposed to be) in bed, you will still manage to hear them calling you, in reality, and in your warped, mum-programmed mind. The upside is that you can even step out of the shower to lovingly tend to them. Your ears, they are fantastic, mamas.
5. You will start worrying about the craziest of things
Stuff that before seemed a real non-concern will suddenly become the stuff of your worst nightmares. Meningitis. Predators. Plane falling from the sky. Global warming. You name it, I now worry about it.
6. You will misplace and loose stuff like never before
If you were absentminded before, now you are seriously under-slept on top of that, and every time you cannot find something, you have to consider the fact that your child may have placed it, like, anywhere. Your keys might be in the toilet or buried deep in the garden somewhere. Your phone? It could be anywhere at this stage. Your left leather glove? Don’t be surprised if it never shows up again. Seriously; unless you glue something down, prepare for it to disappear.
7. You will (happily) wear stuff from years ago and watch your kids rock the entire latest H&M range
This one is nuts. Because much as you love fashion and shopping, you will find yourself hitting the shops for a new frock and some heels for yourself – and emerge with three laden bags of really cute baby clothes instead. Go figure.
8. You will become a human thermometer
It’s true! I no longer need an actual thermometer to tell me if my kids are sick, don’t even need to do the good aul’ hand to the forehead thing either, I can just look at them and know when they are not well.
9. You will become a crier
I was always a bit of a can’t-watch-anything-cute-or-sad-without-sobbing girl, but boy did having kids just really hammer this one home. And even mamas who previous to having children could be steely through even the most heart-wrenching of movies now, post-babies, find themselves a lot more weepy than before.
