Since becoming a parent I have gained a lot of love but I’ve also kind of lost my mind…
Obviously leg hugs and snotty kisses and the sound of “muma, muma, muma, MUMA,” 87,000 times an hour more than make up for the things I’ve lost….
9 Things I’ve Lost Since Becoming a Parent (and no 11 lbs is not on this list, if only):
1. All Inhibitions
The inhibition is radically eroded over the course of the pregnancy so by the time the baby is born and a midwife barges in while the in-laws are visiting to openly squeeze your nipples to check if the colostrum has come in yet, you barely even notice.
2. Self-Control
Once the biscuits are opened, I will not REST until they are gone. GONE I tell you.
3. A LOT of Sleep
Though I’ve started to believe (incorrectly) that I function better on no sleep. It’s just something that I have to believe really because it doesn’t seem like I’m going to be getting any more sleep anytime soon.
4. My mind (kinda)
So you know those stories of parents accidentally leaving their kids in donut shops or roadside services, let’s just say: I get it. That hasn’t happened to me. Yet. But this could totally happen. In the early, sleepless, chaotic days of parenthood I once forgot who was minding my infant son, it could only have been one of three people (my aunt, my mother or The Man), but I was so crazed and sleep deprived I actually had to do a ring around to check who had him. Mind. Lost.
5. My Tolerance for Bullsh*t
I’ve caught myself eye rolling AT people who are annoying me. This is not good. I blame sleep deprivation. See also 10 Signs My Tolerance for Bullsh*t Has Disappeared Since Having a Baby.
6. A tray of defrosting chicken fillets
I put these chicken fillets on the counter when I took them out of the freezer. I KNOW this happened, yet I could not find them. Seriously, what the hell??? The Man thought I was officially going mental, but I was convinced the toddler had made off with them. Turns out he had, we later found them stashed under the couch. Hygenic.
7. Any Willpower
In my experience, having any kind of restraint does not marry up with being a parent. Since the demanding baby became the demanding toddler, I need all the wine I can get. #Sorrynotsorry
8. My Figure
Luckily I didn’t have much of a figure to begin with, but what little tonedness I once possessed has drifted away on a tide of night milkings, wine and eating chicken dippers off my son’s plate, see point 7.
9. The Will to Care
Happily point 8 doesn’t get to me too much because of point 9. Once you get a baby, and they become the single most important thing in your life, you just lose the will to care about petty crap and it is so SO liberating.
And the one thing I’ve gained?
One seriously impressive dolphin impersonation. Two years into motherhood and I am scarily good at most animal noises at this stage.
Oh and the most beautiful baby human of all time of course.
