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Parenting

25th Oct 2019

As I turn 30, I’m looking back at my experiences as a mum in my 20s

Melissa Carton

I turn 30 tomorrow and is tradition, I rooted out all my old photographs to make a display for my birthday party.

I had to trawl through social media and old digital cameras to find snaps from the last ten years because as we all know, most photos are housed on phones these days.

During this search, I realised that I’ve spent most of my twenties as a parent.

Becoming pregnant at 21 and having my first child at 22, my experience of my twenties was very different to my friends.

While most of the people I knew were sharing photos from their trips abroad or weekends away with the girls, I was posting videos of first steps and finger paintings.

There were a lot of times when I felt left behind.

I had to drop out of college during my pregnancy, my morning sickness was so bad that I was out of class more than I was in.

Not having a degree made me worry because I had to support myself and another tiny person. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t hard, there was a point where I was working three jobs and still just about making ends meet.

Seeing my friends go on holidays and spend their money without worrying made me a little envious sometimes, but I never regretted being a young parent.

While being a parent made me work harder, it also gave me confidence that I never had before. I stood up for my child in a way I’d never been able to stand up for myself.

Before becoming a parent there were a lot of jobs I wouldn’t have applied for. Now that I had someone else to think about, I took chances and it started to pay off.

Working part-time, studying and looking after my kids meant I became an expert in multi-tasking, as many mums can attest to.

When Alice was born, I was in the last year of my degree and took my first set of exams a week after giving birth to her. As you can imagine, I was like a zombie having been up all night feeding a newborn.

It was an extremely stressful time but I know it made me so much stronger.

Looking back at photographs, I went on so many adventures because of my children.

I ended up being in the first season of the TV show Vikings because they needed a baby for a scene. Because Eric was a newborn, I was dressed up and put on set with him alongside Gabriel Byrne.

My waters broke while I was talking to Maya Hawke on the set of Little Women – not many people can say that.

Having Alice brought me on different adventures, particularly regarding my musical side and in 2018, I was invited along to a music camp for women in Berlin and Alice came along.

People are often surprised when I say that I’m married with two kids in my twenties.

They might assume I missed out on the best years of my life but in reality, my twenties were incredible and that’s because of my kids.

So many firsts – first words, first teeth, first steps, first birthdays.

The years where I felt the most loved because no one loves you quite like your child. The minute I get home from work, I’m swamped with hugs from tiny arms and it’s the best feeling in the world.

It does feel strange looking back at photos and knowing that I experienced my twenties in a completely different way to most of my peers but I also love the fact that I grew up with my kids.

For many, your twenties are the most formative years of your life, the years you really figure out who you are.

Having my children helped me say no to the things I didn’t want to do and be brave enough to say yes to the things that I did.

They helped me realise that I was strong enough to walk away from situations and people that made me unhappy. They also helped me realise that I am ‘good enough’. I struggled with my confidence all throughout my teens.

Knowing that my children saw me as worthy of their time and affection changed that. I realised that if I’m good enough for them then I am good enough – end of.

It’s been a different journey getting to thirty than I had planned but in the end, I’m here and it’s where I want to be. And I wouldn’t change a thing.