Congrats mama! You made a teeny tiny baby boy.
Now what?
Here are ten things you will definitely need.
1. High tolerance for creepiness
Baby boners are a thing, a creepy, perfectly natural, CREEPY thing. Get ready.
2. The Pee Pee Tee Pee
Because piss in your eye is no joke. Seriously these exist.
3. Love of car noises
It seems like gender stereotyping, but stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. I sometimes think back to the delivery room and remember with fondness the car noise he did as a soundtrack for his exit from the womb. On reflection, it might have been the morphine…
4. Strong fart noise game
It never fails to amuse them.
5. Incredible reflexes
Especially for dodging piss, the range of which is incredible. I know it probably seems like I’m going on about the piss issue or ‘pissue’ as I call it, but seriously we need to raise awareness of the pissue – he pissed in my mouth once for God’s sake. Now every time I meet a new boy baby and his mother I ‘ooh’ and ‘ahhh’ and then fix her with a (possibly demented) stare and hiss: “He’s cute but watch him, he’ll piss all over you first chance he gets.”
6. Must be game for a LOT of cleaning of tiny balls
Baby balls are very VERY wrinkly. Like all time you spend with your baby, the time you spend stretching their ball sack out and excavating poo must be cherished. Hard to believe now but you will miss even those moments.
7. High tolerance for involuntary attacks
They don’t mean to run at us and head butt us (at least most of the time) they’re just so damn excitable and affectionate. It’s like a love-attack.
8. Knee pads
A solid horse impression is a must for boy mamas but playing horsey all the time can be murder on the knees so invest in some quality knee pads.
9. Keen interest in rocks, worms, spiders, SHOUTING etc etc
Again apologies if it seems like I’m up to my gender stereotyping tricks, I swear I’d be the first to discourage gender-specific toys or to put the kibosh on his love of pink but he seriously just emerged from the womb with a love of ANYTHING with wheels and anything rock, dirt or insect-related.
10. Feels of steel
Because boys are the absolute sweetest. Granted I don’t have a daughter and I’m sure this applies to both but c’mon those boy-cuddles get us in the feels every time!
What’s in your Boy Mum Survival Kit? Tell us in the comments…
