Sharyn Hayden is a writer, presenter, and comic actress. She lives in Dublin with her partner Alan, their two young children and a dog with a weak stomach.
Jacob has a lisp. A tiny one. It’s cute. And his pronunciation is a bit off on certain words. He replaces the letter ‘C’ with ‘T’, and so we send him into each other asking if we’d like a ‘Tup Of Toffee’ on occasion, just for our own personal amusement. I know, we’re horrible people.
We don’t make a big deal of it to him, try to correct him or make fun of it to his actual face. We’ve just decided to let him get on with it, knowing that he’s only three-and-a-half and that it will most likely straighten itself out. And in the interim, I have him on the speech therapy list, just to be sure, to be sure.
But I’ve had to ask several other people to stop slagging him off – adults, who also think it’s cute and mean well, who imitate the very mistakes or mispronunciations he’s making – right in front of him.
‘Oh, he was so cute!’ they’ll exclaim, as he and I look on, shrugging at each other. ‘He asked me if I got a new TAR! He meant CAR, of course, but I had no idea what he was talking about! Tee hee!’
When I ask them to maybe not make fun of him while he’s listening in, in case he thinks there’s something wrong with him, they protest that they wouldn’t dream of making fun of him and honestly just thought it was cute. And I believe them because if I thought they were genuinely making fun of him, there wouldn’t just be a calm conversation about it, if you know what I mean…
I wondered if I was particularly over-sensitive about the issue, but then I realised that nobody in their right mind would slag off an adult’s lisp or speech impediment, as it would be the height of social rudeness. Like, you’d never roar at your mate down the pub, ‘What did you say you wanted? A Bacardi BREEEETHER??! Oh my god, you’re so cute!’. You’d get decked, right?!
So why is it ok when it’s a kid – because they’re little? Well, what if it does affect them just the same way as it would an adult and hurts their little feelings? And sorry (not sorry), but with my cute kid? Not on my Mammy Watch.
Here are a few other things I’ve discovered that we say to kids, but would never in a million years say to adults. What is wrong with us?!
- Look at that big belly on you. Where did you get that big tub?!
- Have you done your poo-poos?
- What do they have you wearing today? Have you no decent clothes?
- You have to get that hair cut.
- Did you wipe your bum? Properly, though?
- You are not listening to me, and you have to do what I say… just ‘coz.
- Did you put clean pants on this morning? Show them to me.
- Have you brushed your teeth? Let me smell your breath. Oh, you did, well done. Right then, bed.
- I can see your buuuuuum!
- You smell bad, your hair is like a bag of chips. Go shower.
You can find more of Sharyn’s fun musings on parenthood at her blog Raising Ireland on Facebook or Twitter
Or order her first book I Forgot to Take my Pill on Amazon.
