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Parenting

03rd May 2015

K-Middy now has two under 2: It’s a delicate balance, says our Sleep Expert

Royal sibling rivalry? Quite possibly. Top tips on how to deal with 'Number 1'

Niamh O'Reilly

She might not be a first-time mum, but Duchess Kate is still a new mum. From what I can tell, she’s already a great mum to George, and no doubt she’ll get it right this time round too. I’m acutely aware she’s not doing this alone – can you even imagine the teams of people she will have around her? Jealousy doesn’t even begin to describe it for most…

But, I like to think that she is pretty ‘hands-on,’ and she’ll also have a little toddler to contend with. And regardless of the fact that they’re Royalty, there’s no getting away from the jealousy and possibility that his little nose might be a little out of joint.

So for anyone waiting for ‘Number 2’ to come along, I have a little advice for the imminent arrival:

  • Remind ‘Number 1’ that their sibling won’t always be tiny and time-consuming.
  • Acknowledge that they might also feel a little jealous of the new arrival but it’s often a good idea to organise a little present from the baby when you get home – he or she might like her more for that. I remember my sister coming home with her second, Sive when her older daughter was two and a half. Sive arrived into our world accompanied by a fish called Freddy for her big sis. He was an instant hit. Sive, not so much…
  • Who knows how ‘Number 1’ will react? Some kids take a new sibling in their stride; others might show signs of regressing a little – often in order to claim some of the attention the new baby is receiving. A child, who was once excited about the impending arrival, may do a complete U-turn once reality strikes. Little independent spirits will normally manage the changes without much fuss. Those who are more sensitive may need a little coaxing and support.
  • Try and spend as much time with ‘Number 1’ as possible so that they don’t feel left out. Extra cuddles, extra playtime, extra-special treatment.
  • But, if ‘Number 1’ has decided to just not deal with the new arrival and is ignoring the baby, don’t worry too much about it. They will get there in their own good time. Forcing a relationship can do way more harm than good.
  • He or she will probably want to help out too. Give them some little jobs to do so that he feels included. Let them get nappies for you, even help out with bath-time. Involve ‘Number 1’ in dressing the baby – let them pick out things for the baby to wear, giving him a sense of responsibility.
  • Read books together. Stories about growing families and the arrival of a new baby. There are loads to choose from, and you can have lots of good chats about the stories with your toddler. Find out what they REALLY think of this new life, chat about it, be open about it.

I’m sure Kate will have night nannies and night nurses for the months ahead. I hope they don’t instil routines too early – this little one will need nothing but love, cuddles, feeding and opportunities to sleep – wherever and whenever that may be.

Newborns and new parents need to get to know each other – there will come a time for structure, but it’s not now. And although they are in a different league to the rest of us mere mortals, I wish them all the luck in the world with the delicate balancing act of 2 under 2.

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 02:  Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and Prince William, Duke of Cambridge depart the Lindo Wing with their newborn daughter at St Mary's Hospital on May 2, 2015 in London, England. The Duchess was safely delivered of a daughter at 8:34am this morning, weighing 8lbs 3 oz who will be fourth in line to the throne.  (Photo by John Stillwell - WPA Pool/Getty Images)

Niamh O’Reilly is a sleep coach. She’s also a baby and childcare guru, a ‘parent nanny’ and the answer to many a weary parent’s woes. When it comes to baby and child issues, Niamh is your woman. Always on hand to offer a no-nonsense solution, in an approachable way. A regular in the Irish media, (most recently as TV3’s Late Lunch Show’s ‘parent nanny’) over the next while at HerFamily.ie, Niamh will share some of her experiences, helping you attain that ‘holy grail’ – nights of uninterrupted sleep for all of the family.