A mum has won plenty of praise for her candid post about having to do all the cleaning at home.
Parenting blogger Constance Hall said that she is expected to “do absolutely everything around the house” – and while her friends supported her after she brought up the situation, they also offered her some advice.
The pregnant mum-of-four explained that the told her:Â “If you want help you need to be specific… ask for it. People need lists, they aren’t mind readers.”
She went on to say that she tried asking for specifics, running through a list:
“Can you take the bin out?
“Can you get up with the kids? I’m just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years
“Can you go to Woolies? I’ve done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating s*** in the pond.”
And while she admitted that yes, people did get up and help after she said what needed doing – she realised that she shouldn’t have to coach them.
She continued:
“I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging..
“And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking…?
“NOTHING.
“Again.”
She recalled how while the experience had left her “exhausted”, it led to a pretty big conclusion.
https://www.facebook.com/mrsconstancehall/posts/1784223994955751
She added:
“And so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not your job to ask for help, it’s not my job to write f**king lists.
“We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them.
“Just do it.
“Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house. Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet?
“Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day?
“Is one of you carrying the weight?Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists….
“All your left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer..
“It’s not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That’s your job.”
More than 100,000 people have shared Constance’s post since it first went up, with many people sharing their similar tales.
One person wrote:
“Omg yes!!! My husband always wonders why I get pissed when it’s always left up to me.
“He says just ask me and I’ll do it. I say I shouldn’t have to ask you, we both live here. This isn’t my job only. Why would I ask you? This isn’t a favour to me.”
Someone else added:
“Oh I have so many things to say about this topic. 31 years of marriage and still asking at times. However some things have been asked and asked and nagged and disgust that they now just happen. I told my kids and husband. M stands for mum not maid and W stands for wife not waitress.
“Most of the lessons learnt in my house only eventuated when I went in strike for 18 months. I didn’t cook or grocery shop for 18 months. All mine were late teen and adult at this time but it worked.”
Another person commented:
“My marriage counsellor had the motto ‘Nobody sits until everybody sits’.
“If there was work to be done, and one partner was up, the other was also up, doing what needed to be done.
“She couldn’t save my marriage, but she taught me some awesome life lessons.”
