“Dear Husband, I. Need. More. Help.”
A mum-of-two has penned a heartfelt plea to her husband, asking for his help to take care of their two young children.
Celeste Erlach, the main caretaker of the pair’s infant and toddler, says that she wishes she “could do it all and make it look effortless” – but, in her letter, she explains why she cannot.
The open letter was shared on the Breastfeeding Mama Talk Facebook page, where it really struck a chord with social media users.
The post begins with Erlach describing what she needs from her partner, during the period of parenthood with next-to-no sleep and crying babies.
She wrote:
“Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed early.
“The baby was crying. Wailing, really.
“I could hear him from upstairs and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should come down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could get some desperately needed sleep. I chose the latter.”
The mum says that, despite her need to “get some desperately needed sleep”, her husband soon came into the bedroom “with the baby still frantically crying”.
She added:
“You placed the baby in the bassinet and gently pushed the bassinet just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done watching him.
“I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day.
“I was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night.
“The least you could do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening to I can attempt to sleep.
“Just a few hours of precious sleep. Is that too much to ask?”
Instead of beginning a fight, she decided to write a letter to her husband, explaining what she needs as a full-time mum so that they don’t end up falling into the same mother-father roles of their parents.
Erlach’s heartbreaking message to her husband also touches on her own fears that she is “not as qualified” to be a mum.
She continued:
“I also see my friends and other moms doing it all, and doing it well. I know you see it, too. If they can manage it, and if our mothers did it so well for us, why can’t I?
“Maybe our friends are playing the part in public and secretly struggling. Maybe our moms suffered in silence for years and now, thirty years later, they simply don’t remember how hard it really was.
“Or maybe, and this is something I berate myself over every single day, I’m just not as qualified for the job as everyone else.
“And as much as I cringe just thinking it, I’m going to say it: I need more help.”
The mum-of-two then goes on to describe what she feels her husband could do to help her, from getting the toddler ready in the mornings so she can care for the baby to asking if she would like a moment to lie down.
https://www.facebook.com/theultimatemomchallenge/photos/a.521841521323947.1073741828.510227202485379/611022979072467/?type=3&theater
She wrote:
“I’m human, and I’m running on five hours of sleep and tired as hell. I need you.
“In the morning, I need you to get our toddler ready so I can care for the baby and make everyone’s lunches and drink a cup of coffee.
“And no, getting the toddler ready does not mean plopping him in front of the TV. It means making sure he went potty, giving him some breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school.
“At night, I need an hour to decompress in bed knowing our toddler is asleep in his room and the baby is in your care.
“I know it’s hard to listen to the baby cry. Believe me, I know. But if I can watch and pacify the baby for the majority of the day, you can do it for an hour or two at night. Please. I need you.
“On weekends, I need more breaks. Times where I can get out of the house by myself and feel like an individual.
“Even if it’s just a walk around the block or a trip to the grocery store. And some days when I’ve scheduled swim class and play dates, and it seems like I’ve got it all under control,
“I need you to offer to lend me a hand. Or suggest I go lay down during the kids’ naptime. Or start putting away the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you.”
https://www.facebook.com/theultimatemomchallenge/photos/a.510228025818630.1073741825.510227202485379/896240063884089/?type=1&theater
Erlach finishes up the list by saying, “lastly, I need to hear you’re grateful for all I do”, before listing some things that she does around the house that she would appreciate if they were noticed.
She ended the letter by saying she was “having the white flag and admitting I’m only human”.
She concluded:
“I’m telling you how much I need you, and if I keep going at the pace I’ve been on, I will break. And that would hurt you, the kids, and our family.
“Because, let’s face it: you need me, too.”
You can read her full letter here.
