I get calls and emails every single day from parents looking for a bit of guidance on getting their little ones (and themselves) a good nights sleep. Often, apologetic phrases enter the conversation, “I know we are doing the wrong thing but …” or “big mistake, I know.” I simply tell them they’ve done NOTHING wrong. Their child isn’t ‘broken’ and we arrange an appointment in their homes. Sleep is on its way.
When I arrive, parents expect a stern, serious woman to climb out of a black cab at their front door wearing a cape. Instead, they get me. In fact, it’s been said I bring a mixture of the practicality of Mary Poppins, humour of Mrs Doubtfire and magic of Nanny McPhee, all wrapped up in one. But more importantly, I listen. I hear what parents are asking, and I try to take the pressure off. Only when people are truly ready to make a change, do I suggest we go ahead with sleep training. Attempting to make adjustments when you aren’t ready or feel under pressure can be more difficult, human nature makes us less likely to commit if we feel bullied into something. I like to get to know my families and over endless cups of tea, we come up with a plan to bring back sleep, this is what happens:
- We meet for up to two hours in your home
- Parents fill out a brief questionnaire about family life and of the goals we want to achieve
- We discuss sleep basics and how to encourage good sleep habits
- We set out an age-appropriate daytime routine for your baby or child
- We come up with well-discussed plan and technique to help your child learn to sleep and re-settle at night and for naps
- Follow up support by email, phone and text for a period once the process has started
Whether you decide to use a sleep coach or go it alone, sleep training is often not for the faint hearted. For anything to work, you need to be confident in your desire to make changes. Support by your partner is vital, you need to be on the same page when it comes to the outcome (SLEEP). I ask parents to be mindful of each other during the process. It’s often the case where one parent may be more ‘gung-ho’ than the other, and you need to watch out for a struggling partner. Arguments in the middle of the night happen. But they are just wasted energy. It’s all about having a plan, knowing what you are doing, and knowing what you expect from each other. There should be no grey area, after all, little ones just get confused when you give them mixed messages.
When I talk of sleep coaching, I don’t just focus on babies; I never suggest coaching until babies are over six months old or well established on solid food so we can rule out hunger as a cause for night time waking.
Once your little one doesn’t feel like they’ve been abandoned and left to fend for themselves (which never happens using my methods), they’ll wake up fresh in the morning and welcome your hugs with open arms.
It’s the great thing about babies – they don’t bear a grudge.
Read all our Sleep Coach series here. Or follow us for more in this series on sleep and other baby-related issues:
- Setting up a daytime routine for your little ones
- Creating a good bedtime environment
- Setting up the nursery
- When to drop feeds and add solids
- Moving baby out of your room
- Moving toddlers into their own bed
- Age and stage development milestones
Niamh O’Reilly is a sleep coach. She’s also a baby and childcare guru, a ‘parent nanny’ and, basically the answer to many a weary parent’s woes. When it comes to baby and child issues, Niamh is your woman. Always on hand to offer a no-nonsense solution, in an approachable way. A regular in the Irish media, Niamh helps you attain that ‘holy grail’ – nights of uninterrupted sleep for all of the family. You can find out more about Niamh at thenursery.ie.
