Okay, I promise I’m not going to make this into some kind of public therapy session, and I’m not going to put whether or not I try to have another baby to a popular vote on the Internet.
I’m just finding more and more the question of ‘going again’ arising. Me and The Man, me and the mum-friends, me and my mother, are all talking about the ‘going again’ A LOT. Some of them have even taken the plunge and ‘gone again’ and early reports that are coming back from the other side are sounding fairly positive.
Pretty much as soon as you make one baby, people start asking you if you’re going to make another one. It’s fairly exhausting and intrusive but by this stage after pregnancy, birth and new motherhood we’re well used to intrusive questions.
10 HONEST thoughts on going again
1. It might be easier this time
There’s always the possibility of getting a sleeper right? Maybe we’ll be better at it this time? Perhaps breastfeeding will come a little easier now that I’ve done it once.
2. It might be harder this time
I think I had postnatal depression after my son was born and I would love to experience motherhood without going through all that. I feel like I would be better equipped to recognise the signs and get help if it happened again, but I also don’t know if I could actually handle feeling that way ever again.
3. I don’t want my son to be an only child
I am an only child and I hated it growing up. I also hate it as an adult. Being an only child is so lonely. It can feel like there is literally too few people in your family, like you are running out. And there just isn’t a huge amount of craic to be had around a house with only three people.
4. Can we afford it?
Can we? Oh god, who knows, people raised nine kids in two bedroom flats back in the day I guess…
5. I would love to experience the early days again
I find it hard to remember my son’s baby days, I think I was too wild-eyed and flat-out mental to really appreciate it. I would love to go back to those first precious days a slightly calmer, more together person who wasn’t so terrified all the time. Though is that even possible? Maybe I’m just not cut out for being calm; it’s possibly not in my genetic makeup.
6. I would love to experience childbirth
I feel like I can practically hear the peals of jaded laughter from the heroes who actually did experience childbirth and I know, I know, it’s called labour for a reason. But being the recipient of an unwanted c-section (for me the c-section did not seem like the easier option – I was really petrified – though again easy for me to say having never experienced a vaginal birth). I’ve always wondered if getting off on the wrong foot birth-wise made the first six months even harder than they might have been.
7. Am I making this decision for selfish reasons?
Does the fact that another baby is something I want for various reasons make it selfish in some way? I feel sorry for my son sometimes because I don’t think he got the best version of me as his mother in the first nine months of his life and on some level am I seeking to ‘fix’ this through caring for another baby? So, so many questions. Maybe I do need therapy though it’s a luxury I can’t afford (see number 4).
8. What if something goes wrong?
Indeed.
9. What if we can’t even get pregnant again?
My first pregnancy was unplanned; it would figure that should I actually try to get pregnant I wouldn’t. Is my sunny, optimistic disposition starting to grate?
10. What if we always regret NOT going again?
Okay, I promise I’ll shut up now.
There are no easy answers to these questions I just wondered if we all have this debate raging internally or is it just me?
I’ll leave you to mull over ‘going again’ with this pretty apt OK Go song, Here It Goes Again….
