Parents are loving this simple technique to help feel more connected to their kids

Trine Jensen-Burke

When it comes to parenting, I try to live by the words of famous Swedish children’s books author Astrid Lindgren (Pippi Longstocking, anyone?).

Lindgren, who was a keen champion of children’s rights and the importance of a good, happy childhood, said the following about how to raise children: “Give children love, love and more love. And then common sense will come by itself.”

I mean; how right she was.

And with that in mind – I recently came across a parenting trick – or technique, if you will – that really seems to resonate with me – and so many, I think. Especially if you have more than one child, and you are forever trying to ensure you are spending enough time with each of them, and making time for a little one-to-one with everyone.

So – love bombing.

Sounds lovely? It is. According to Babyology, the term was first coined and developed by psychologist Oliver James and involves spending a period of time alone with your child, during which you offer her “unlimited love and control.”

In his book, Love Bombing: Reset Your Child’s Emotional Thermostat, James, believes that giving your child this intense experience can be a seriously effective solution for children with emotional or behavioural difficulties.

However, I think we can all agree that not just children with emotional or behavioural difficulties, but all children – even happy ones – will benefit from this lovely habit. “So many parents are, or have had, periods of living very busy or miserable or complicated lives, most of us need to reconnect with our children from time to time,” says James. “The method works equally well whatever your social background, ethnic origin, or nationality because the fundamental needs of children are the same everywhere.”

How do you do it

It can be easy to confuse a love bomb with ‘quality time’ says James, but the two are different in that a love bomb is your child’s chance to take control of the time she spends with you. This could mean setting aside anything from a couple of hours, an afternoon or an entire weekend if needed – and give your child the reigns of what you do.

In the days leading up to the event, explain to your child that you are going to be spending some time together and that they can decide what you both do and where you do it – yes, really!

‘Bombed with love’

I love the idea of letting my kids take charge, and getting to see that given complete freedom of choice, how would they like to spend time with me. I also did a “Yes Day” with them (click here to see how that went) and really, it was like a giant love bomb, come to think about it.

The idea, according to James, is that you want your child to feel “gratified and bombed with love.”

Even better? If you can hang onto something from your love bomb session (a picture, a rock, a sea shell), then bring it with you so you can look at it together and remember your special time – it will help foster a feeling of being connected and remind you both, in the midst of our busy lives, how much you really love each other.

What do YOU think? Have you tried ‘love bombing’ your kids?