Some parents find the unexpected impact of having their first baby enough to put them off having any more kids for life, and I was one of them.
I loved my son but I didn’t love the idea of being a parent.
When he was done with every piece of baby-related paraphernalia, I gave it away – baby gyms, high chairs, cot and buggy – determined that I would never need those items in my life ever again.
HOWEVER!
We did get pregnant again when Jacob had just turned two, and as well as scrambling around to retrieve all the items we had given away, we also braced ourselves for another ridiculously difficult journey with a new baby.
Which never materialised, thankfully.
Here’s why the second baby was WAY easier than the first:
1. The First Childbirth Is Behind You
Generally speaking, you know what to expect from the labour and birth, which in turn can help pave the way for less of the ‘shell shocked’ feelings you have afterwards. I couldn’t stop over-analysing every moment of everything that happened, from the moment I felt my first contraction to the moment I left the maternity hospital. When I had my second child, I was all like, *shrugs* “I just gave birth”
2. The Road Is Familiar
You know what a newborn really needs – mostly because you did LOADS of worrying about things that you shouldn’t have the first time. Fancy parenting advice and books aside, you come to the very basic realisation: they just need warmth, food, love and to be close to you always. There is great personal freedom in that.
3. ‘Visitor Gate’ Is A Thing Of The Past
You might still be getting over that time your husband’s ex-girlfriend’s parents called to the door unannounced after you had your first born, but you won’t have any of the same problems second time around. Firstly, nobody (sadly!) cares as much as they do when you have your first baby so there aren’t that many visitors to deal with anyway, and secondly, you simply don’t invite them over. Yet. You will invite them, but only when you’re good and ready. And that’s good policy.
4. Everyone Is More Relaxed
There is a ‘Second Child Syndrome’ theory, partly which we joke about, in terms of their not getting as much attention as the first born. But another part of it is that the second child is so much more relaxed because YOU are so much more relaxed. My first child might be a little bit sensitive and a little bit emotional at times and my second child gives zero f*cks about pretty much everything. It’s like looking in my motherhood mirror.
5. You’re Too Tired To Freak Out
In all honesty, I freaked out a BIT when my second child was born, but mostly it was in terms of “How do I feed and dress all of us and get out the door for 8.50am?” rather than wondering how to ‘become’ a parent. Mostly, we were so tired from having two smallies under one roof that we just prioritised ourselves, our kids and what we needed to do to get everyone through the day happily and healthily. After that, there was no real time for parenting neuroses!
6. You Already ARE A Parent
The learning part is sort of done on the fly with Baby Number 1. You figure out how to deal with nappies, vaccinations and doctor’s visits, car seats, buggies, feeding, crying, sleeping when you have your first kid so that it’s all done by the time the next kid comes along. You’re a pro, parents!
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