When the world gets scary… how to talk to children about what is happening in Ukraine

She adds that outlining what will happen next will help to reassure your child.

 

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Most important, experts agree on, is to listen to your child, and give them the opportunity to say how they are feeling. Give your child time to return to the subject with you at a later time, if they wish, and talk to their teacher to make sure that your child is getting similar support in school.

Daly suggests starting by asking your child what they understand about the story and letting them guide you in regards to how much they want to know, instead of bombarding them with information and words you think might console them. Many will be worried about their own safety, so to reassure them that they are safe, that the police caught who did it, is important.

Try to explain terrorism on a level that children can understand, and that they can digest. This is why you might need to come back to this conversation again, sometimes it can be overwhelming to try and explain things in one conversation.

Discuss differences of opinion, and how it is okay to disagree, but never okay to use violence to get your point across. Explain how you may not agree with someone else’s ideas, but you cannot hurt them for expressing them. Remind your child, no matter what age they are, that most people in the world are good and kind.

Here are some more guidelines that might help you when trying to explain what is happening in Ukraine to your own children:

Listen

• Create a time and place for children to ask their questions. Don’t force children to talk about things until they’re ready.
• Remember that children personalise situations. For example, they may worry about friends or relatives who live or holiday somewhere associated with incidents or events.
• Help children find ways to express themselves. Some children may not be able to talk about their thoughts, feelings, or fears. They may be more comfortable drawing pictures, playing with toys, or writing stories or poems directly or indirectly related to current events.

Answer questions

• Use words and concepts your child can understand. Make your explanation appropriate to your child’s age and level of understanding. Don’t overload a child with too much information.
• Give children honest answers and information. Children will usually know if you’re not being honest.
• Be prepared to repeat explanations or have several conversations. Some information may be hard to accept or understand. Asking the same question over and over might be your child’s way of asking for reassurance.
• Be consistent and reassuring.
• Avoid stereotyping groups of people by race, nationality, or religion. Use the opportunity to teach tolerance and explain prejudice.
• Remember that children learn from watching their parents and teachers. They are very interested in how you respond to events. They learn from listening to your conversations with other adults.
• Let children know how you are feeling. It’s OK for them to know if you are anxious or worried about events. However, don’t burden them with your concerns.
• Don’t confront your child’s way of handling events. If a child feels reassured by saying that things are happening very far away, it’s usually best not to disagree. The child may need to think about events this way to feel safe.

Provide Support

• Don’t let children watch lots of violent or upsetting images on TV. Repetitive frightening images or scenes can be very disturbing, especially to young children.
• Help children establish a predictable routine and schedule. Children are reassured by structure and familiarity. School, sports, birthdays, holidays, and group activities take on added importance during stressful times.
• Parents should know about activities and discussions at school. Teachers should know about the child’s specific fears or concerns.
• Watch for physical symptoms related to stress. Many children show anxiety and stress through complaints of physical aches and pains.
• Children who seem preoccupied or very stressed about war, fighting or terrorism should be evaluated by a qualified mental health professional. Other signs that a child may need professional help include: ongoing trouble sleeping, persistent upsetting thoughts, fearful images, intense fears about death, and trouble leaving their parents or going to school. The child’s physician can assist with appropriate referrals.
• Help children communicate with others and express themselves at home. Some children may want to write letters to the President, Governor, local newspaper, or to grieving families.
• Let children be children. They may not want to think or talk a lot about these events. It is OK if they’d rather play ball, climb trees, or ride their bike, etc.

War, terrorism and evil acts are hard to comprehend, even for us as adults, so just imagine how disturbing this will seem to children, who have the default setting that the world and the people in are good. Create an open environment where children feel they can talk to you as parents about anything, and that they will feel like they get good and honest answers to their questions.

(Source: Telegraph, Aacap.org and Your Child by Harper Collins)