Just to clarify, I have in no way nailed this parenting business the second time around.
However, I have noticed some marked differences between the babyhood of my second child and that of my first.
With my first baby, I spent the first six months waiting and waiting and waiting for things to ‘settle down’. I have no idea what I thought ‘settled down’ was but I was desperate for it. It was the slowest six months of my life. Waiting for an intangible thing like ‘settling down’ can make the days and weeks seem interminable.
In contrast, it seemed to me that my second baby was born, I blinked and then suddenly he was six months old and threatening to crawl. Where had that time gone? I don’t think I’d even given a single thought to wondering if he would ‘settle down’ soon. By then I’d accepted it, he’s a baby and they don’t settle down…I’m 32 and I haven’t settled down.
1. The Hospital Stay
Baby One was born via c-section demanding a five-day hospital stay. I spent every moment of those five days in a state utter panic. I was petrified. Every sigh and hiccough demanded a frantic call to the midwife. I was so hyped up I couldn’t eat and existed purely on adrenaline and tears. Three years later, I was wise to the fact that I’d likely be existing on adrenaline and tears for the next few months so I made the most of my hospital time by lying down, eating chocolate and watching TV while others tended to the baby. Much more relaxing.
2. The First Shite
I wish I could say that having one child had made me a seasoned pro at shite-mares but sadly no, I still grappled with the sticky tar-like meconium and actually wound up getting some on a nearby stranger-baby. Awkward. One thing that was different was my reaction. With Baby One I read an awful lot into that bungled nappy change (stuff along the lines of “I’m not cut out for this, I can’t even change a nappy” etc) while with Baby Two I just laughed much to the stranger baby’s mother’s chagrin.
3. The Breastfeeding
I nearly drove myself insane trying to boob Baby One. So much so that my husband and mother had to stage an intervention to try and remind me that there was more to life than crying while stuffing a boob into a baby’s mouth and endlessly googling “low milk supply”. With Baby Two the boobing started well then around day four or five hit and the whole thing looked like it was going pear-shaped. I was devastated for a few hours then I cracked open a bottle of champagne with my friend and toasted to the fact that there’s more to mothering than breastfeeding. And weirdly then to my bafflement the boobing seemed to get back on track and I ended up boobing the child after all.
Sidenote: I’m not claiming “calm down, have a drink and breastfeeding will work” I’m just reporting on that rather bizarre experience!
4. The Name
Baby One’s name was agonised over for the entire pregnancy, there was lists and shortlists and meticulous research. Fresh out of ideas for Baby Two, I just let my mum name him.
5. The Outfits
Baby One’s wardrobe was epic. There were hand-knitted alpaca wool onesies and cashmere (CASHMERE!!!) cardigans. It was a sea of hand wash-only notions basically. Baby Two meanwhile is dressed almost exclusively in ill-fitting remnants of Baby One’s collection – there’s a lot of rolled up sleeves and babygros with the feet cut off. I don’t love him less by the way, I’m just really crap at parenting a toddler and a baby in tandem.
6. The Accessories
For Baby One, I spent an inordinate amount of time researching prams and travel systems and Stokke high chairs and mattresses and bouncers. For Baby Two I spent a moderate amount of time chiselling old Weetabix off said items.
7. The Sleeping
Baby One never really slept. Neither does Baby Two. The difference? I’m just too tired to care anymore.
8. The Googling
The googling is oddly the one thing I’ve found doesn’t change. You’d think after one baby I’d have amassed some expertise in the field of babying but nope I’m still frantically seeking answers from the Internet. Here are just some of the garbled things I’ve googled since having a second baby:
‘How young fall off changing table’
‘When can give a soother’
‘One boob better than the other’
‘Weird grunting’
‘Neh neh neh noise’
‘How do I pump my tits’
