I am, what my friends like to call ‘vertically challenged’.
I have always been the short friend, the ‘cute one’, the one who has to sit on someone’s lap when the car is full.
It is simply my lot in life never to be able to reach the elusive high shelf.
My daughter, you, on the other hand, will never have any of these problems but you will have many other challenges for the exact opposite reason. You, my girl, are going to be tall.
Now let me tell ya, I know nothing about being tall or tall people things but I will make it my mission in life to try and help you the best ways that I can.
I will google all the best places to buy long clothing.
Now I have a bit of experience with this as I’ve had to do it for your father but from knowing a lot of tall woman I know finding nice going out shoes when your feet are a size 8 can be an issue.
Tall men, it seems the world expects but tall women still remain a surprise which means a serious lack of tall girl clothing options in most stores.
Fear not, as I have many years of online shopping experience and the entire power of the internet to help remedy this situation.
I also have a very good idea of what high street stores have a tall range as they usually also carry a petite section, and guess who has been shopping in that?
I will try to make sure back problems are not a problem.
A common consequence of being very tall is usually a bad back. You’re only a year old and already I’ve heard you crack your back like many of your giant relatives.
I’m no chiropractor but I will buy you some tennis balls to stick down the back of your seat and one of those fancy mattresses off the telly that are always bragging about being good for your back. I’m an Irish mammy so most problems in your life will probably be solved with the ‘I saw it on the telly’ solution.
Well, that and flat 7up. I don’t know if there have been any studies that suggest that flat 7up would work for back pain but sure it couldn’t hurt.
I will make sure that you never feel awkward because you’re the ‘tall girl’
Irish people, male and female, are typically not tall. In fact, we’re often compared to fictional creatures like Hobbits, I personally blame the whole leprechaun thing.
I had friends in school who were teased because they were the girl who was taller than all the boys. This will not be the case with you because I will ‘mama bear’ anyone who tries to bully or make you feel bad because of your height.
As a person of the shorter variety, I can say with certainty that they are just jealous.
Not only will you look like an Amazonian goddess when you reach your full height but let’s face it there are a lot of perks to being tall.
You’ll always be able to see at concerts, you will never need to wear painful high heels and let’s not forget the best advantage of all…
You will be able to reach the elusive high shelf.
Go forth my daughter and bask in all the tall person things you can do, oh and when you do reach the high shelf, can you tell me what’s up there?
