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Parenting

10th Jun 2021

#ToBeHonest: Privacy is a foreign concept to me since having kids

Melissa Carton

I may as well throw the lock on the toilet away.

I don’t know if it’s the height of irony that, as I’m writing this, my toddler is looming over me asking ‘what you doing?’ on repeat.

It is a fact universally known that once you become a parent you can say goodbye to any privacy or personal space that you’ve ever known, because you will always have a tiny person all up in it.

Before you become a parent someone should really ask you if you enjoy being watched while you’re using the toilet, because it’s a much bigger part of parenthood than you’d imagine.

They should also ask you if you like to bath or shower alone, because you’re basically never going to get an uninterrupted shower or bath again.

They will also put their heads right up your top, even when they’re not being breastfed, just for the craic.

One bathroom invasion in particular led to some awkward conversation when my child decided to tell everyone in the house that I had a bad cut on my leg and that they saw it when we were in the bathroom.

This led to me having to explain that I was not in fact injured, but just on my period.

Great.

I really think there needs to be a whole parenting book dedicated to these things because just covering how to burp a baby and how to swaddle, really doesn’t prepare you enough for parenthood.

Some ante-natal classes where someone keeps trying to bust in on you while you’re trying to use the bathroom wouldn’t go amiss.

Trust me, if you’re not ready to have a toddler look you stone cold in the eye and sing baby shark while you pee, you’re not ready for parenthood.