10 Total Giveaways That You Are Pregnant (In Case You're Trying To Hide It!)
Apart from close family, I didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant until I was nearly five months into it.
It was the first pregnancy, so I think I carried the extra weight and hide it well, under loose fitting clothes.
If you have just found out that you're pregnant and are trying to keep the news under wraps, there are a few 'tells' that you will need to be aware of, to ward off the Suspicion Police.
Here are 10 of the biggest giveaways that you have a sneaky bun in the oven:
1. The Food Avoidance
She who turns down a cube of cheese for fear that it might not be pasteurised has just declared to the room that she is expecting. Ditto on caffeine, shellfish, pate and runny eggs - eyebrows will be raised absolutely everywhere.
How to avoid: Declare loudly and on the hour; 'Just had a huge lunch! Couldn't fit another morsel in!'
2. The Non-Drinker
If you were previously well known for your ability to neck seven Jeger-bombs in a one-hour period, and then suddenly request a 'fizzy water with lime' on a night out with your mates, don't expect anything other than shrieks of 'Oh my god, you're up the duff!' from everyone.
How to avoid: Dramatically tell everyone you have just discovered you are soon to be given your own reality tv show and are trying to achieve perfect skin. They'll understand AND they'll be jealous ;o)
3. The Tummy Rubber
As soon as you find out that you're pregnant, your hands fly to your stomach and generally stay there, rubbing away for the duration of your pregnancy. Any woman who is spotted giving her midriff an absent-minded rub will be shot suspicious looks immediately from all who observe her.
How to avoid: Stuff hands into pockets immediately.
4. The Mighty Pee'er
'Just popping to the loo', you'll whisper at your work colleague and dash off for fear that you'll have an accident otherwise. The need to pee comes on so swiftly, so frequently and the result is such a teeny, tiny amount of wee that it's always disappointing, but go you must. Unfortunately, your workmate will start to wonder if you're planning on doing any effing work, you're up and down so much, but will finally land on the most obvious conclusion: she's preggo.
How to avoid: Casually mention Cystitis once and no one will ask any questions.
5. The Narcoleptic
Missed your stop on the train because you were napping uncontrollably? Girlfriends raging at you because you couldn't stay up long enough to get through every episode of House of Cards and now they can't talk to you about it until you catch up? On the verge of a written warning in work because you fell asleep during lunch and forgot to come back to your desk? Yup, you've got the First Trimester Sleepy Head and it'd be hard to deny it.
How to avoid: Set your phone alarm for every ten minutes of the day so that no matter where you are, you will always have a reminder to stay awake.
6. The Constant Snacker
If you casually pull a ginger snap, cracker or other well-known pregnancy-nausea-repelling item from your pocket and shove it into your gob in front of your friends, family or random strangers, the likelihood is that they will respond like this, 'Would you like a pregnancy test to go with that?'
How to avoid: Do all your eating in secret, particularly in the toilet at work. While you're on your fourteenth pee.
7. The Fashion Backwards Gal
Tight, skinny jeans and expanding pregnant waistlines don't really go hand in hand, so you will have to adjust your wardrobe accordingly. But the transition will have to be slow and subtle so as not to cause controversy. If you jump from form-fitting dresses to a floor-length number worth of Electric Picnic tent status, people will wonder and people will stare.
How to avoid: Baggy t-shirt, shirt and jumper it up for a bit and quietly insinuate that everyone else has missed the latest fashion trend.
8. The Basket Case
If the sight of your laptop re-boot taking longer than the usual thirty seconds sends you into an absolute meltdown that can only be rivalled by a dinosaur-on-dinosaur scene from Jurassic Park, people will start offering up their half-eaten Snickers bar in a 'Ah she must be knocked up' sympathy move.
How to avoid: Get it all out of your system at home by picking a fight with your other half about the colour of the wallpaper, like a normal person.
9. The Epic Puker
Some of us ladies are so unfortunate with the first-trimester (or all trimester!) puking that it's virtually impossible to keep your pregnancy a secret. And there are lots of smells that can set you off too: cigarette smoke, beans, eggs, water - THE AIR - so it's hard to just 'be' without giving the game away.
How to avoid: Stay at home and/or don't get pregnant.
10. The Avoider
If you are turning down every invite for fun, booze-filled nights out, trips abroad because you don't want to risk flying or adventure weekends because you don't want to over-exert yourself, your friends and family might start to whisper to each other that there 'might be news coming!'.
How to avoid: Send out a group text that your other half has recently admitted to a chronic Pennys addiction (who hasn't!) and you will be in financial recovery for the foreseeable future - they'll be too embarrassed to say anything and might even lodge some funds to your bank account (which you will duly have to give back when you tell them the truth!)
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