“But she loves him so much…”
Many grandparents pay a pivotal role in raising their grandchildren, particularly if one parent is not a major part of the child’s life.
But one grandmother has expressed her frustration at feeling like she’s having to force her son to show an interest in his own daughter – whom she mostly raised – despite him being a good dad to his younger kids.
Taking to Reddit, the grandmother explained that her son got his then-girlfriend pregnant at the age of 19. He was studying engineering in college and his girlfriend ended up getting deported at some stage after their daughter Annabella was born, so the nana played the largest role in raising the little one.
The nana says her granddaughter lives with her and while Annabella’s mother can’t be in the same country as her, they FaceTime every night. The girl also goes to her mum’s homeland every summer to spend the month of July with her.
Since graduating from college, Annabella’s father Julius, now 28, has gotten married to and had two sons with a woman named Katja. He, his wife and sons all live in their own home, separate from Annabella and her nana.
“The thing is, Julius never spends any time with Annabella. He doesn’t even call to say goodnight. But she loves him so much,” the grandmother wrote in a post on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum.
“It’s like once a month, he’ll show up with a box full of toys, spend a day with her and then go back to his family. It hurts her so much that he doesn’t spend time with her because he’s her hero. I’m just grandma.”
The nana went on to say that this has nothing to do with his wife, who seemingly loves Annabella. “Katja would love to have Annabella move in with them, she once brought up the idea and she went on about all the things they could do together,” she continued.
“She would love to be her stepmom, calls her princess, sweetie and so many nice nicknames. The only reason they haven’t is because Julius has said she should stay with me.”
Tensions reached a height, however, when Julius told his mother that he was planning a family trip to Disneyland this summer.
“I told him that Annabella would be so excited and he should tell her on her birthday,” the nana wrote, having assumed his daughter would be included in the family fun. “He just blankly told me she’s not coming and the trip is for his boys.”
Shocked that Julius would take his wife and sons away without his daughter, the nana explained she “made it clear to him that he needed to bring her on the trip”. He responded by calling his mum an a**hole for “trying to control him”.
Reddit users reacted with outrage and showed anger towards several people in the story, prompting the nana to answer questions providing more clarity on the situation.
The grandmother firstly revealed that she is Annabella’s legal guardian, a responsibility she took on to help her son focus on his education and future. She now feels that she has failed her son somewhere along the line to say that he has become an irresponsible dad with little empathy for his own child.
She then clarified that the family are based in Canada while Annabella’s mother is in Mexico. The mum and daughter are separated because the mother cannot legally reside in Canada but wants her daughter to have a Canadian education and access to better opportunities – not because she doesn’t want to parent her daughter.
Reiterating that Katja is not the reason behind her son’s disinterest in his first-born, the nana shared how her daughter-in-law has “made more time for Annabella” than her son has. “When she brings the boys over to visit she always spends time with her, has taken her on trips just the two of them and brings her gifts on the regular,” she wrote. “I don’t know why she agreed to a trip without her though.”
Some commenters suggested the grandmother try and reason with Katja to help make Julius take responsibility for his eldest child. Others suggested that he was a lost cause at this point and that forcing the father-daughter relationship with a dad who wasn’t interested would only end up hurting Annabella more in the long-run.
Many felt that as a result, not going on the family trip would be better for Annabella, as she wouldn’t have to witness her dad’s favouritism and feel lesser than her brothers. Some suggested the nana should sue her son for child support and use the money to take her granddaughter to Disneyland herself.
The grandmother insisted she would keep trying to get her son to see the light as she doesn’t want to give up hope of him doing the right thing. But comments on her post said she would eventually have to draw the line and cut contact for the sake of her granddaughter, as watching her dad continuously reject her would do her more harm than if he wasn’t part of her life at all.
