James van der Beek wants to come up with an alternative term for “miscarriage” and his reason is beautiful

He’s a proud dad to five young children with his wife, Kimberly Brook, but James van der Beek is also a father who has suffered the pain of pregnancy loss.

The couple, who have five young children together: two-year-old Emilia, four-year-old Annabel Leah, six-year-old Joshua, seven-year-old Olivia, and baby Gwendolyn, who was born in June, have been married since 2010.

It is easy to think the raod to their growing family must have been a walk in the park, with five kids so close together in age, but this week, the actor took to his Instagram and shared an emotional post about his three babies that were never born, and how we really need to rethink the term “miscarriage.”

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages… of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off – we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage”, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother – as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start. Second… it will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then… once you’re able… try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards – you’ve been warned ?). I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents… but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way… Along with a new word for this experience. #miscarriage #WeNeedANewName #MoreCommonThanYouHearAbout @vanderkimberly

A post shared by James Van Der Beek (@vanderjames) on Sep 7, 2018 at 3:47pm PDT

The loss of pregnancy is a pain that often defies language, but one James, as a father and husband, tried his best to put into words for other parents who are suffering what he and Kimberly did.

“It will tear you open like nothing else,” he wrote. “It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it its rightful space.