Pregnancy after miscarriage: the whirlwind of fear that comes with those two blue lines

"The anxiety was something else, like nothing I’ve experienced before."

For most people trying to get pregnant and seeing the two blue lines appear is a joyful and exciting moment. However for women who have experienced miscarriage the news of another pregnancy creates a whirlwind of fearful thoughts and emotions. Rebecca, from Dublin, was a mum-of-one when she became pregnant again several months after experiencing a missed miscarriage. When she had the pregnancy confirmed Rebecca became anxious, fearful and worried.

"I closed off and hoarded and guarded it like a terrifying little secret, I barely saw anyone, and barely acknowledged even to myself that I was pregnant, despite having very bad morning sickness from seven weeks."

Rebecca carefully monitored herself physically and stopped exercising as she was worried that may harm the fetus...

"The anxiety was something else, like nothing I’ve experienced before. I slept terribly, my temper was short. I wasn’t all that fun to be around I’m sure."

When it came to telling people Rebecca waited until she was 13 weeks pregnant. Having been upfront and honest about her distress and anger from the miscarriage Rebecca felt that when she told people she was pregnant again a sense of status quo was restored.

"People were happy and congratulatory but I felt resentful of it to some extent, almost like people were relieved, 'oh thank god for that, we can get back to normal and not walk on eggshells around Rebecca anymore,' that mightn’t have actually been the case but that’s how I felt. I believe getting pregnant again brought people back to a place of comfort, everyone except me."

Rebecca is now 34 weeks pregnant but she says she is still, "frequently fretting about what could go wrong." An additional concern for Rebecca is that she has gestational diabetes and is considered high risk, "I've elevated things like this to, some days, almost unbearable levels of 'what if...' it’s been one of the most difficult times of my life, the constant worrying is horrible." Six weeks into a much-wanted pregnancy, Siobhan started bleeding. The hospital staff could find no cause for the blood loss and despite having had a previous miscarriage the midwives told her not to worry as "one miscarriage was not considered a history of them as such."