So awful.
Made In Chelsea stars Ollie and Gareth Locke-Locke have opened up on the sad news that their surrogate has suffered a miscarriage.
The couple began their journey through surrogacy last year, a year after the pair got married.
Speaking on Tuesday’s Bali Special of the E4 show, Gareth explained: “This is our third time [getting an embryo implanted]. You know it’s like, 60%. 70% chance whatever and every time it’s like… ‘Oh well next time surely it’s going to happen.'
“It feels like every time you’re going to have to redo it, it just feels like it’s a bit, a step further away. Obviously we’re in a very fortunate position, we can go again. But you know it’s not, it’s not easy.
Ollie then said: “Can I tell you something really savage as well? And this is a weird, personal thing, and I know this isn’t how I should be feeling. And I know this, but I get so embarrassed. I haven’t even called my dad yet. Because I’m embarrassed by…”
“And I’ll tell you the reason is, weirdly, I feel emasculated. And I know that’s really silly, but this is me talking frankly to you guys, and I know I shouldn’t feel like that, but I feel embarrassed that it hasn’t worked for us.
“And it’s so stupid, but I’m just waiting for long enough, for someone to tell dad, so I don’t have to. But embarrassment is such a weird emotion, to have when it’s actually like, that should be the last of your thoughts.”
The couple's first attempt at surrogacy also ended in a miscarriage last year, with Ollie telling his followers at the time: "Trigger Warning. This is the last thing I want to be writing, but this is sadly a part of our journey.
“In early November our life changed in the most extraordinary and wonderful way, those two perfect lines shone through a pregnancy test telling us we were pregnant and Gareth, myself, our surrogate and our families were all ecstatic.
“After a difficult year, a little bean growing inside the best person you could ever imagine was the most wonderful early Christmas present we could ever have imagined. Through the course of nature, at 6 weeks and 2 days it stopped growing and had gone.”
