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17th January 2025
04:25pm GMT
In a post on Reddit, the mum explained that she chose to adopt her second child, after welcoming her first via IVF.
"So years ago before the birth of my first son, I was told it would be hard for me and my husband to conceive," she began.
"We went through IVF and eventually I gave birth to my son.
"A few years later we wanted another child but didn't want to have to go through the time and expense we did the last time with our son. So we decided to adopt.
"We adopted this beautiful baby girl whose parents were too young to raise her themselves.
"I loved her so much and treated her no different but I've never had the feeling she's my own.
"I often feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child. I feel terrible but I can't help it.
"I've tried forcing myself to feel it but I just don't. She's 15 now and I've never felt a connection with her."
Four years later, however, she fell pregnant naturally, and welcomed a third child into her life.
She continued: "During the pregnancy my hormones were all over the place and I started hating my adopted daughter because I felt if I had just waited then I wouldn't have to have had her.
"When my daughter was born everything just felt right. I felt a proper connection like with my son and I bonded straight away.
"I sound horrible but adopting her was a massive mistake.
"I wish I could go back in time. I love her to pieces but unfortunately not as much as my biological children.
"I hate myself for it since I promised her parents I'd love her no different and I feel like I've let everyone down."
The post was met with shock from Redditors, who shared their thoughts on her admission.
"Therapy for you. Under no circumstances tell your daughter that you don't love her as much as your bio kids, though that's something that's not hard to miss," one put. "each out to her birth family, if they're decent people and you haven't maintained contact, and see if they'd be interested in spending more time with her.
"This girl deserves to be enthusiastically cared for and loved by the people in her life. What about your husband? Does he feel the same way?"
The OP responded to the criticism, and admitted that her husband doesn't feel the same way: "I've spoken to my husband about it. He doesn't feel the same way as me and sees them all the same. He has a much stronger relationship with her and she has said when she was little that she prefers her dad over me. It still hurt but I understand why."
Another Redditor wrote: "Since you already had a biological child you shouldn’t have adopted. I have heard lots of adoptees say they have always felt like they were competing with the biological child of the adoptive parent."
While a third put: "Thank you for your honesty, finally an adopter who is truthful. I am an adopted person with lived experience as an adoptee.You cannot create a bond where none exists."
