Becoming a new dad is equal parts incredible and tough.
Unlike new mums, you don’t have months of bonding with your unborn baby, you meet them for the first when they’re born.
While many fathers will talk about this overwhelming instant feeling of love, for others it can take a little while for that paternal instinct to hit.
Unfortunately, this isn’t often talked about; leading some new dads to feel worried or anxious that it will always be this way.
For one dad, he became concerned that things were taking too long and that he was treating fatherhood as a chore so he turned to Reddit to ask for advice.
“I am a first-time dad and my daughter was born 6 days ago. I love her very much and have no regrets of having her, but everything right now feels like a chore,” he explained.
“I’ve been told that fathers, unlike the mother, take a bit of time to build that loving bond with the child, since we didn’t go through the physiological pregnancy.
“My wife on the other hand has had the complete opposite experience as she is loving being a new mom and taking care of our daughter.
“She has never complained once since the six days our daughter has been here and it is very encouraging. That’s the feeling I am looking for.
The mystery man went on to say he’s asked some fellow dads for their advice but he keeps getting told to “give it time,” or “be patient,” which he doesn’t find helpful.
“I understand I am still in the very early stages of being a dad and am not ruling out that I will eventually start seeing my daughter as my daughter and not just a mouth that yells at me.
“I want everything to stop feeling like a chore and more like I am being a dad for my daughter. Maybe it’s just the sleep deprivation or me still trying to adjust to my new life, but I welcome any experienced dad’s advice.”
Though they didn’t have all the answers, his fellow fathers shared their own experiences bonding with their kids.
“For me, it took a few weeks. Then I was holding him one day and thought ‘I would kill anyone to keep you safe’. Weird feeling,” commented one.
“Just keep working. Keep your baby clean and healthy and keep your partner comfortable and happy. Life is just a pile of chores you have to get through. The connection will come when you can complete your tasks effectively,” advised another.
A third added, “Personally for me, it wasn’t until he started to be able to talk and return love (hugs, sharing his favourite food with me, asking me to play with him).
“Until that point, it did feel like a one-sided relationship that was much more draining than it was fulfilling.”
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