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8th August 2024
02:40pm BST
A man is dividing opinion online after he revealed that he refused to give his brother some of their mum's ashes because he never visited her when she was alive.
In a Reddit post in the popular Am I The A**hole subreddit titled; 'AITA for telling my brother to get out and taking his b**ch of a wife when he asked for some of our mom’s ashes,' the user who goes by the name @NewImagination1109 wrote: "My mom used to live near my brother, she was a quiet person in general and after dad died was lonely.
"She wanted to have dinner with my brother and his family often. His wife (Cara) didn’t like that and they agreed to do it once a month."
He continued: "Mom started to have issues and would send panicked texts and went to the doctors randomly. Around this time his wife made a lot of posts about how she was an attention seeker and was making up problems. That she was trying to cause a wedge in their relationship.
"My brother stopped visiting our mother. It was everywhere and I do not like Cara at all."
If what the Reddit user describes above really was the case, that's pretty harsh from his brother.
The post goes on: "When this started happening I decided to visit my mom (I live in another state). It took me a day to realize something was wrong.
"I took her to the doctors and she had dementia. I informed the family and became the main caretaker. Cara continue to make post or comments that she is faking it. My brother stood by her the whole time.
"I literally begged him to come visit before she passed on. She was cremated and I have the ashes. He didn’t even come to the viewing. This is the issue, he and Cara showed up asking for some of our moms ashes. I told him no, that he didn’t even see her before she died. This started an argument against the two.
"By the end of it I told him to get out and take his b**ch of his wife with him. He has been calling me a jerk and telling me I have to apologize. The family is torn, some are saying f**k him and Cara but others are saying I would give in because it’s his mom also."
The post received over 10k comments, and after about a minute of scrolling through them it becomes abundantly clear that many people sided with the original poster.
"NTA (not the asshole), Your brother made his choice and he chose poorly," one person wrote. "He deserves nothing. They have the same energy as my younger sister. She was really abusive and awful to my mother most of her adult life and she continued after my mother got diagnosed with cancer and traveled internationally more than she came to visit. Then she engaged in some performative bullshit at her funeral."
Another user added: "NTA. At this point, why does he even want her ashes? I feel like his wife wouldn't even want them on display in her home.
"I think he's realizing just how much of an asshole he is being viewed by the family and is asking for the ashes to save face and appear like a caring son. If he didn't even come to the viewing/"funeral". I really don't understand why he would want the remains."
One other person said: "NTA whatever you decide, but just remember that the dead don't give a f**k what happens to their remains.
"If your mother had expressed wishes for her remains that involved you and your brother then you can honour those of course, but ultimately she doesn't give a shit now - sorry for your loss, but that's the fact. Your brother didn't show respect during her life, so he doesn't deserve respect after her death, is my opinion," he added.
"Personally, I think I'd probably just say "Oops! Scattered them already!" if asked again..."
"I read the title and hoped I could say NTA," another wrote. "Then I read the story, you are so much NTA!
"I would ignore anyone saying 'what would your mother want?'. Funerals and cremains are for the living, and as brother and SIL chose not to be there before or after her death, that means they have no say. So do what is right for you.
"As for your mother's wishes, I don't think they are important. Obviously ignoring specific requests would be an AH move, but with no specifications, don't get out a ouija board to divine what she would have wanted. Because here's the thing - whatever your beliefs are and wherever she is or isn't, there is one thing for sure: she has no use for that pile of dust anymore. It has served it purpose to her. Use it in whatever way brings you comfort."
Even after endless scrolling, we genuinely couldn't find a comment in support of the wayward brother. Categorically, everyone agreed with the original poster's decision not to give his brother any of their mother's ashes.
