I've never been the most punctual person in the world, but having a child has taken my lateness to a whole new level.
Before being a parent, I quite often wasn't on time because of regular stuff - like the traffic was bad, or my alarm didn't go off, or I couldn't decide what to wear. Recently, however, I have been late because...
1. The back-to-back reruns of Peppa Pig I put on the TV (so I didn't have to get out of bed before 5.30am), meant I had no idea what was happening in the outside world, or what day it was.
2. The nappies I sent my husband out to buy five minutes before the supermarket closed last night were the wrong size. I sent him back out again first thing, but he had to wait half an hour for the supermarket to open.
3. When changing my toddler's nappy, I got poo (yes, poo) on my top so had to change. No amount of baby wipes was going to fix THAT.
4. I had to blast my outfit with a hairdryer because I had nothing else dry, clean or suitable to wear. I also tried to iron it with the hair straighteners because I thought it would be quicker. It wasn't.
5. After a lot of swearing (under my breath), sweating and searching I found my car keys jammed in a toy car, rather than in my handbag where I usually keep them.
6. I broke that much of a sweat before even getting down the stairs, I had to shower again. Although I did need another wash after the toddler poo incident that went down earlier.
7. It took at least 20 minutes of sweat, blood and tears (all mine) to wrestle 25lb of toddler tantrum into a car seat.
8. After FINALLY dropping my daughter to crèche, I had to drive back home to turn my iron / cooker / hair straighteners off. None of which were actually on, obviously.
9. I was so desperate for a caffeine fix, I spent 25 minutes queuing in a motorway service station to buy a coffee. It was totally worth it.
10. My daughter woke me so many times last night, I'm not even sorry I'm late.
