The effect of sleep deprivation on the human brain cannot be underestimated.
When in the newborn hell-vortex of new parenthood record numbers of people helpfully explained to me that sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture. I did not need this explained to me given that I was in the throws of this torture on a daily basis. I felt like attacking them with theirs little facts about sleep deprivation luckily I was too tired.
That’s the thing about sleep deprivation, there’s no telling what you’re liable to do in the haze of exhaustion and rage. Luckily the tiredness is pretty debilitating so even if you were incited to violence it’s unlikely you’d actually have the wherewithal to attack someone.
There’s a lot of things we are barely capable of when sleep deprived which is pretty unnerving when you take into account the fact that while in this state, you’re also in charge of the care of a tiny individual entirely dependent on you for survival.
8 most ridiculous things I’ve done while INTENSELY sleep-deprived:
1. Stolen stuff
Seriously a lot of stuff. I just put large heavy items under the pram while doing the shopping then without fail I forget to pay for it. I took my kleptomania to a new level there recently when I tried on a jumper on penneys then forgetting I was wearing it I paid for my other bits and strolled out of the shop.
2. Cried
Crying about really low-grade stuff is a major hallmark of sleep deprivation. Here are some things that have made me cry since I now sleep an average of never:
- The Nutella being finished.
- A botched spray tan.
- Any emotionally manipulative ads.
- Overfishing.
3. Forgotten to put on shoes
I was driving along miles from my house and just noticed that I hadn’t put on any shoes.
4. Neglected grooming
I plucked one eyebrow then A WEEK later I remembered to pluck the other.
5. Reversed over my OWN pram
The child wasn’t in it of course, though at this point nothing would surprise me.
6. Ate a raw rasher thinking it was parma ham
It was disgusting.
7. Forgotten the names of people I have know for years
It’s like a game of name-roulette every time I have to introduce a group of new people.
8. Told my neighbour’s dog to f*ck off (it was barking outside my window when I was desperately trying to get the baby to sleep)
I regret nothing.
