What would you do in this situation?
Becoming a new mum can be a stressful time, but you would hope it would be a time where you have the complete support of your husband.
For one new mum that has not been the case as she says that her husband has stopped being affectionate since she gave birth and acts like she’s repulsive.
“Many months ago I gave birth to my first child. While I was pregnant my husband out of nowhere stopped wanting to have sex with me. I figured it was just because my bump was so big. Fast forward to now.
I haven’t lost any of the baby weight which already causes me to have low self-esteem(I found out I have a thyroid issue which could be part of the problem) but I still want to be intimate with my husband. Well every time I try to he rejects me. Every time it just hurts me so much.
So finally I asked him point blank why he doesn’t want to have sex with me. The only way he will is if it’s in the shower where he doesn’t have to pay attention to how my body looks.. He kept telling me he doesn’t know why…well I asked him point blank if my body was the problem. He basically said that yes my body is the problem and the only way he will be attracted to me or want to have sex with me is if I lose weight.
I was completely crushed. My self-esteem was destroyed…I can’t even bear to look at myself anymore. He knows how much he hurt me and said he would try to change and make me a priority again but so far there has been no change. I’m heart broken.
I desire the intimacy with him but he doesn’t seem to want the same thing. I just keep asking myself, “Shouldn’t your husband love you and make you feel wanted no matter how your body looks?” I’m so scared that I won’t be able to lose the weight..or that if I do he will still hate my body because it changed so much since I got pregnant…does anyone have any advice? What can I do to help him find me more attractive?”
Firstly new mum, there is absolutely no onus on you to be ‘more attractive’ for him. You have grown a human inside of your body and given birth, there is nothing unnatural or unattractive about your body.
You need to stop asking him what more you can do to be more appealing and start telling him that what he is doing is hurtful.
If he still acts the same way towards you, you may need to take time away from this relationship as you have said yourself that is damaging your self-esteem and mental health.
The most important thing to know is that you are not at fault in anyway. He is the one not holding up his end of the marriage and if he truly does want to make things work he’ll grow up and realise that real husbands don’t body shame their wives.
