“I would trade anything for our baby to be at home for an extra eight weeks.”
Fathers, or second mothers in same-sex couples, are entitled to two week’s off work which can start any time in the first six months after the birth (or placement in the case of an adoption.)
Employers don’t have to pay you during paternity leave, but you will probably qualify for Paternity Benefit.
It’s a flawed system, which is unfair in many ways on both parents. A more equitable arrangement whereby both parents can share extended leave between them in a way that suits their life, careers and family setup is something that many Irish people hope comes into play in the future. We’ve seen it play out internationally with very positive effect.
On the flip-side of this, some parents are not even taking their full two weeks. Less than half, in fact.
It’s a systemic problem, of course. In a society where it’s expected that mothers carry the parenting load, the second parent may feel like taking time off work isn’t an acceptable option within their organisation.
One mother recently voiced her frustration that her husband is refusing to take his paternity leave — even though he’s entitled to eight weeks off fully paid.
The anonymous mother explained that she and her husband recently had their first child, and after taking maternity leave herself, she returned to work.
It’s never an easy transition, as she explained: “I’m really struggling with leaving my baby in childcare. Quitting my job is not an option, both because we’d have to sell our home and because I have a very niche job where positions don’t come up often. Because of the nature of my job, I can’t transition to part-time or work remotely. So, at least for now, child care remains her biggest concern.
That brings us to her issue: “My husband is entitled to take eight weeks of paid leave, but he doesn’t want to take it. He gives different reasons why not, like that it would be expensive (it wouldn’t — the leave is paid), or that it would be inconvenient for his employer.
“When I push him on it, it seems like he would just prefer to work. I would trade anything for our baby to be at home for an extra eight weeks. I know I can’t force him to change what he wants or make him stay home against his will. But how can I come to terms with my husband’s decision to keep working?
“Every time we both go to work, I feel so upset that our baby is being left with a stranger at such a young age.”
It’s a tough one. I don’t know many people who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity for right weeks, fully paid time with their tiny baby. It must be frustrating to see your spouse turn it down, when it’s an option.
However, the husband in this equation may be in a working environment where a man leaving for weeks on end to mind a child could jeopardise his career, simple because it’s not the done thing.
What do you think? We’d love to hear your thoughts.
