This is heartbreaking. What would you do?
Deciding whether or not to have children is a huge decision and not one that is taken lightly.
Some couples decide to have a child, some choose to have multiple and some choose to stay child-free.
All of these choices are valid.
The problem is, of course, when one person wants to have children but the other does not, and that is exactly what is happening in this relationship.
A wife, concerned for her relationship with her husband wrote to parenting forum Mamas Uncut looking for advice;
“My husband and I aren’t on the same page with having kids now, what should I do?
I’m really torn with what to do. I’m losing sleep and having headaches to the point of nose bleeds with stress over this.I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, married for 6. He’s 9 years older than me. When we met neither of us wanted children but over the last couple of years it’s all I can think of. I’ve spoken to him and he’s adamant he has no desire for a child. I know I’m the one who has changed.
I know it isn’t fair to hope he would change his mind, he’s 43 and truly doesn’t want to be a dad. If there was abuse or adultery it would be easy to leave but I love him. He’s a brilliant husband but I am worried I will resent him if I don’t have a child. The thought of divorce makes me sick.
I would be doing it for the possibility of a none existent child, putting him in an unfair and undeserved situation. My family is no support and I’m really conflicted as to what to do.”
While some suggested she join volunteer programs with children or become an ICU Cuddler, many in the comments felt that in the long run she would probably be better off splitting from her husband;
“I left a 24 yr relationship because I knew in my heart that what I really wanted in life was children. I have 6 now – best thing for me I coulda done because it’s where my heart was truly at for what I wanted in my life.”
Others in the comments however felt she shouldn’t throw away a perfectly good relationship on the off chance that she might have a child with someone else;
“You really have to decide whether the possibility of being a mother is worth the sacrifice of an otherwise fulfilling relationship. Go to counseling and work out your feelings so you can make a decision that feels right for you.”
In this type of situation someone will have to compromise what they want or a split will need to happen, either way it is a really tough situation to find yourself in.
Have you ever come up against this issue? What did you do?
