Easter weekend was a success for my little family. We went away with our friends and their three kids of similar ages. The kids had a ball. The adults had a ball. It was a win-win.
We made unforgettable memories: five children packed tightly and messily into a room together, palpable excitement at the thought of an Easter egg hunt, blustery forest walks, dubious magic shows and a lot of giggles. Especially when the kids went to bed.
For me, it was a memorable weekend I hope I never forget. But I couldn't help thinking afterwards, will my kids remember it? Did I remember all my childhood trips? There were numerous holidays and times in my childhood like it, so what makes a childhood memory, well, memorable?
I remember dancing with other children at a disco, the feeling of joy and giddy excitement. I have zero recollection of where it was.
I remember holding my mum's hand walking on the road, with an apple in the other hand.
I remember Saturday mornings playing 'Marmalade Circus' and 'Islands' and rolling down the stairs in my sleeping bag in side-splitting hysterics with my siblings.
I remember going to the cinema for my birthday – I didn't have birthday parties because I was born in the Summer, but that cinema trip to see
Neverending Story was one of the best days of my life.
I remember sitting on my dad's knee singing songs together for what seemed like hours.
I remember being outdoors for whole days, running in and out of neighbours gardens on adventures, playing hopscotch.
I remember going to the local sweet shop with my pocket money on a Saturday and counting the 'penny' sweets out with my coins.
I remember going on holidays in Ireland and not caring that we weren't going to Disneyworld.
My memories are based on simplistic pleasures. Basic feelings of joy and love, and really appreciating the little things.
What will my children remember? Will they remember every single time they were gifted a new doll? Doubtful, they have lots of them. Will they remember that one poignant cinema trip? Nope, they go all the time for birthday parties or watch new releases via on-demand TV. What about the cafés we go to almost every weekend for mum-and-daughter-time treats? Probably not. Hot chocolates and cupcakes have become a regular occurrence in their busy weekend schedules, peppered between parties and swimming lessons.
My children's worlds are full of entitlements. Full of choice. So, how do we make memories for them that stick?
It's a dilemma for a lot of parents: we want to give our children everything we didn’t have and every opportunity to make them a rounded being. But we don’t want them to forget where they came from either.
So what does it all come down to? Gratitude, of course. If they appreciate the things they get, the places they go, they'll hold on to the memories. But appreciation is a social skill children must be taught. So, really, it's down to the parents (sorry!) to teach them this skill.
Psychologist Jeffrey Froh, a leading gratitude researcher and co-author of
Making Grateful Kids: The Science of Building Character told
Huffington Post it comes down to this little three-part thinking formula for kids (and big kids) to be truly grateful for anything:
- The intent (someone put you first)
- The cost (money or time)
- The benefit
Incorporate these three little words into real-life scenarios with your little ones: "That was really good of you to help me like that when you knew I needed help (intent), especially when you are busy playing with your dolls (the cost), now I have more time so we can play together (benefit).
Froh also suggests that when it comes to giving gifts, give something that helps them achieve goals, like swimming lessons to help them swim better... this will give them a lasting appreciation and will teach them the difference between 'needing' something and 'wanting' something.
Encourage savouring too, Froh says, look at photos from past holidays and of gifts received. Talk about them, acknowledge the generosity of time or money spent on these things to help them appreciate the effort spent.
Then comes the hard part. Try and incorporate these tips into everyday life and watch the appreciation unfold.
I really hope my kids will hold on to the simple memories we made this weekend when we look through photos and talk about the happy times, and how lucky they were to enjoy the freedom, the laughter, and the copious amounts of chocolate they consumed.
Well, we
can hope, right?
