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Family dynamics

03rd Oct 2023

My in-laws are devastated I’m expecting a girl – so they’re pretending it’s a boy


They even held an ‘it’s a boy’ baby shower…

Finding out the gender of an unborn baby is a suspenseful wait for some, while it’s not a big deal at all for others.

Still, even for those who have one particular gender they’d like to raise, the baby’s sex ultimately doesn’t matter as long as they’re healthy.

One first-time mum-to-be has revealed her husband and his family don’t share her indifference towards her future child’s gender – and that their attitude is effectively ruining what’s supposed to be the happiest time of her life.

The 27-year-old woman took to Reddit to vent her frustrations, explaining that this will be the first grandchild on her husband’s side.

As the family is still grieving her husband’s father, who died of cancer, she had “no problem” with naming the baby after him if it turned out she was expecting a boy.

“This happened before we found out the gender of the baby – my husband and his family had me ‘do things’ like attend prayers and do other rituals before the reveal at the drs (doctor’s),” the woman said. “I didn’t like that but went with it to keep the peace.”

She and her husband went on to discover that they were having a baby girl during her next doctor’s appointment.

“My husband cried in the car then turned his phone off to hide from his family, then finally told them,” she continued. “His mom and the others made their frustration and disappointment clear which bothered me ’cause my daughter deserves to be celebrated.”

Already upset by their reaction to the news, the mum said she was further hurt by her in-laws “ghosting” her (going no-contact) for days. When they next came over, they referred to her baby as a boy and claimed the doctor may have gotten it wrong.

The visits became frequent but her in-laws refused to accept the doctor’s word and were “basically pretending it’s a boy”.

“I had several fights with them after they refused to stop it, and my husband sided with them despite seeing how wrong and unreasonable what they were doing was,” she continued, adding that the family again stopped speaking for a while.

The mum-to-be was therefore delighted to later receive a call from her sister-in-law apologising and offering to throw a baby shower.

“I was so excited and happy. But when I arrived I saw blue balloons, blue cake with Father-in-Law’s name/decorations around,” she shared.

“Sister-in-Law explained they were ‘still’ hoping the gender results are false and it’s a boy. I looked at my husband and he agreed with her.”

At that point, the mum lost her temper and called them all “delusional”.

She told them to stop treating her unborn daughter “like she’s unwanted” and acting “like she doesn’t exist by throwing a party for their ‘imaginary grandson'”.

Her mother-in-law broke down in tears and other family members began shouting at her as she took her leave.

She was followed out by her husband, who instead of supporting his pregnant wife, accused her of insulting his family and his father’s memory.

“I told him to wake up and see the insanity in his family’s behavior. He said they needed time to process the fact that it’s a girl, not a boy as they expected and insisted I play along and ‘they’ll soon get over it,'” the 27-year-old continued.

“I said absolutely not and demanded he take me home, he said no, so I called an Uber and left. He was fuming; he called 15 times, then texted that he won’t be coming home ’til I ‘get my ass’ over and apologise for ruining everything THEY’VE DONE FOR ME and accusing them of being mentally unstable.

“I haven’t responded yet he’s constantly pressuring me to get right with his family before we even talk about anything else.”

Reddit users were shocked, with some claiming it sounded like the family was “obsessed with making this baby girl her FIL (father-in-law) reincarnate”.

“We see so many of these posts in here, where the family wants a new baby to be the reincarnation of some dead family member, and it literally never has any good consequences,” one said.

“The way your husband is feeding into this madness raises all sorts of red flags in me. I can see this family ignoring your daughter when she gets here and making her feel like she’s not enough because she isn’t a boy.”

Other respondents said the whole situation sounded like something from a terrifying movie.

“They sound scary. The baby shower sounds like a scene from a horror film,” one user wrote, while another added “Strong Rosemary’s Baby vibes”.