Nikki Walsh brings us more rants from the regions. This week she chats to Amy, mum of one.
“It’s the only way to go,” good friends told me when I was pregnant. Others handed me natural birthing books or recommended workshops or doulas. It soon became clear that giving birth naturally was not only the best thing I could do for my body and my baby, it was also a feminist statement, the badge of my endurance as a woman. To opt for anything else was to let the side down.
None of these women mentioned that they had an epidural the first time round.
Then I went into labour. The baby’s heartbeat was dropping during contractions so I was strapped to a monitor and made to lie flat. There was no squatting, no pelvic tilts, no deep breathing, no waves of euphoria. Just 34 hours of back labour and mortal mortal agony. When I was offered an epidural at 8cm, I took it. I left the ward in such a state of shock and shame, I could not produce any milk.
“Why didn’t you tell me what it’s like,” I asked friends later, on the phone.
“Oh, you couldn’t,” said one.
“It wouldn’t be fair,” said another.
Why do women do this to each other?
Giving birth is the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life. That this event has become a test many women feel they have to pass, yet another way for them to feel judged, is not humane, nor is it feminist.
“But having a natural birth gives you control,” argued one friend. “You have the right to choose your birth.”
Talk to a midwife and she will tell you that there is no way a woman can control her labour. It’s decided for her – by the position of the baby’s head.
I am having an epidural second time around, administered early, so I don’t have to feel the contractions, and so I do not damage my pelvic floor during delivery. I don’t care if I can’t walk after the birth – I’m resting, thanks very much, because guess what – I’ve just had a baby.
My husband is delighted. “Go girl,” he said to me, the other day. “You’re such a goddamn feminist.”
Nikki Walsh is a writer and editor with a passion for what makes us tick. She lives in Dublin with her husband, her son and a heap of books, mostly on psychology.
Join Nikki next week for more mum rants.
