You may not know this, but there is a fantastic adventure ahead. A fantastic, messy, joyous, head wrecking trip of a lifetime.
But you need to be very ready. So, before the madness that is about to ensue, tick these following boxes over and over again.
1. Lie in
Lie in like you have never done before. Cancel any early morning events (yes, even work) and just lie there in absolute, unadulterated silence, with no one poking at you and asking you to pour their cereal while sitting on your head or peeing on you. Lovely.
2. Chill
Take an hour for every meal. Chew each mouthful carefully and enjoy the fact that the food on your plate will not be stolen by your future mini flatmates. Relish the quiet and relax knowing you currently do not have any traces of indigestion. Nor do you have to shout encouraging phrases about vegetables being good for you, across the table. (Unless your partner is particularly deficient in vitamin C)
3. Relish your peaceful pee’s
Free the pee whenever you want. There will be a time when you may spend an entire day waiting to go to the bathroom. Enjoy the empty bathroom. Nobody but you and the sink. Heaven. No fingers under the door whining for snacks. You may laugh, but it happens.
Often.
4. Get away, far away
Go on an amazingly complex, long haul holiday with no trace of a kids club and lie on the beach all day reading books and napping. Concentrate on how wonderful it is not having people try to bury you in sand. (Unless your husband has strange sand fetishes)
Focus on the joy of not having to stare at the sea, having mini panic attacks approximately every 30 seconds if your child is out of sight. (aka every time)
5. Buy everything bright white.
Wander around your apartment stroking the clean white walls and the smell of cleanliness. Drink in the sharp edges of your coffee table and the framed photos innocently perched on low shelves. Wow, no handprints on anything.
6. Live dangerously
Feel free to cook on the front rings of your cooker. Leave the windows all the way open, and marvel at how you can open the back doors of your car from the inside. #thuglife
7. Choose Minimalism at every opportunity
Look in your handbag. Admire the modest contents and be happy knowing if anyone looked inside, you wouldn’t be mortified. Wow, no batteries, no half-eaten lollipops, no tissues with suspicious looking liquids. Imagine.
8. Shop wisely
Spend an extraordinary time doing the supermarket shop. Go all out, even wear heels. Browse luxuriously through every aisle. Stop and read the back of random packets. Just because.
But don’t forget to nod sympathetically to the harried mum with the screaming kids. Some day this will be you, even though you don’t
Someday soon, this will be you, even though you don’t really believe that.
You are on the cusp of an amazing few years. But enjoy these carefree weeks being silly with girlfriends and as reckless as you can be at this stage and choose the adventurous path.
Trust us, it will be awhile before you feel this light again.
But they are totally worth it, I swear.
