Why is it exactly that women and their partners are actively encouraged ‘not to say anything’ about their pregnancy before reaching week 12? This question has raged through my mind after opening up – yes in week 10 – and getting so much support and advice from good friends and family.
The fact alone that early miscarriage is so high in this country suggests we need to speak more – not less – about this taboo subject. I respect that some women may not want to or indeed feel the need to talk about their pregnancy until they are comfortable to do so, and that is entirely their prerogative.
However we, as a society, really need to banish this ‘imposed’ culture of staying quiet for fear that the baby will not make it. In my opinion, it is not healthy nor constructive to the needs of a new mother. We need support and love more than ever during this phase and wow, is it helpful to talk!
This week, both my husband and I shared the exciting news about our pregnancy and also the terrifying story of my continuous bleed. I can honestly say that for us it’s been the best decision we’ve taken so far. My partner and I are a lot calmer since we broke our silence. In both cases, some of the people we told could actually share similar stories of problem pregnancies. I was shocked to learn that one of my closest friends had actually had a miscarriage at 8 weeks some months back, but she said it brought her some solace to talk about what happened.
My bleed has been going on for two weeks now and I’m in the terrible position of having to use 2-3 sanitary pads a day. The medical advice is to monitor and return to the hospital if the bleeding worsens or if I get very bad pain in my abdomen. I’ve researched this problem and it’s more common than I could ever have imagined. It can simply be a case of implantation bleeding and, in more cases than not, bleeding does not mean that miscarriage is imminent.
What I’ve learned though is we are not alone – or restricted to using Dr Google – to get some outside help. We have great friends and family who will be instrumental as this pregnancy continues. I’m also sure of the support I will have if it does not.
Stay with us every week for more from ‘Big Belly’ as she continues her pregnancy adventure.