Search icon

Labour + birth

16th Jul 2023

I want my mum with me when I give birth, but my partner won’t allow it


I want my mum with me when I am giving birth

It is the most overwhelming, scary, amazing experience most of us will have in our lifetime.

Bringing a baby into this world – especially the first time you do it – is a major deal – and can, naturally, seem rather frightening. We just don’t know what to expect, and no amount of movies or books, or blogs can prepare you.

If I could go back in time, I would have really loved to have my mum there with me when I gave birth. This was also the case for an expectant mum who recently took to Reddit to share how she really wanted her mum to come with her when she was giving birth – however, her partner did not feel the same way and even went as far as saying it will ‘ruin’ the birth.

The 23-year-old mum-to-be says she and her mum have a very close relationship, and she wants her support as she welcomes her first child into the world.

“I lived just with her until I was 19 and moved out and she moved abroad to Australia,” she explained on Reddit.

The mum-to-be, who is 38 weeks pregnant, is planning a home birth and says the fact she wants her mum there has been a point of contention throughout her pregnancy.

“After our last discussion a couple of weeks ago I thought he understood why I wanted my mum there. Tonight we’ve had another argument about it, triggered by the fact that his whole family has Covid at the moment and so won’t be able to come around for a couple of weeks so in his eyes he has no support system whilst I have everyone I want.”

The pregnant woman says while the home birth will be attended by two qualified midwives, she simply wants her mum there as support.

She writes:

“My main reasons for wanting her there: she’s been through it before and I want a woman’s support who has experienced childbirth (if not my mum I would want my aunt or nan). I want someone there whose only job is to support me to allow my partner to enjoy the birth of our first baby. My partner and I had only been together a few months when I fell pregnant, and have only just hit a year together.”

She added:

“Although I love him I don’t know how helpful he will actually be when I’m in pain (I haven’t told him this so as not to hurt his feelings). My mum is also a fully trained midwife and having her there is like a security blanket in case anything goes wrong. My partner does not have much knowledge about childbirth/biology and I’m worried how he will react to the gore.”

Explaining that her partner just wants it to be their ‘special moment’, with only him in the room, the woman says her partner reckons he should be enough support and doesn’t want her mum taking his place and pushing him out of the way.

“I suggested that my mum be there through labour but leave during the ‘pushing’ so that it will be just us when baby is actually born but he said it would still ruin it for him. I don’t want him to feel excluded from what will be a very special time for both of us but I also feel like as the one giving birth I have a right to have as much support as I feel I need.”