Is it fair for mum to choose which grandparent gets to first meet a new baby? 1 day ago

Is it fair for mum to choose which grandparent gets to first meet a new baby?

There's nothing like the birth of a baby to bring family together, but sometimes visitors are the last thing you want.

A grandmother recently posted online that a massive argument had ensued between her daughter and her daughter's mother-in-law regarding an attempted visit to her daughter's new baby.

The new grandmother said she didn't know what to do about the situation and was unsure if she should get involved or not.

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The confused grandparent posted her problem to parenting forum Mumsnet;

"My daughter had a c section on Tuesday. She had an emergency so quite traumatic for her.
I was waiting for her in the side room, her DP was in with her, and saw her after she had been sewn up. All went well. She wanted me to stay at the hospital.

She came home yesterday to find MIL waiting outside in her car. She’d been asked to wait until contacted to visit. They wanted to get settled in. I got a very upset phone call asking me to come round. When I got there MIL was arguing with DDP. He was angry that she had turned up unannounced, she was angry I’d been at the hospital and seen baby first.

My daughter has come home with me and baby, DDP is joining us this evening. She wants to stay here, with her DP and baby. It’s no problem, I have plenty of room.
What’s bothering me is she does not want contact with MIL, but I have MIL constantly texting and trying to call me, demanding to see her grandchild.

AIBU to block her number and ignore her? To me my daughters feelings come first right now, we can sort MIL out in a few days."


Opinions were divided between those who agreed with the mum and those who felt the mother-in-law had every right to be upset;


"I’d stay out of it. Sounds like mil is one of those overbearing types. Both parents of the new baby decided when they would invite her, she ignored them then argued with them. Both parents have now retreated to your house and she’s not harassing your phone."

"Ignore her, it's not about her, it's about your daughter SIL and grandchild, and their needs right now. She's selfish and childish to be making this about her and needs to show some respect"

"Why couldn't MIL have popped in to hospital on the Weds to visit. It is just as much her grandchild as yours and whilst I understand your DD wanting you around it isn't very fair on MIL."

I personally can understand both points of view.

I had an emergency section on my first baby and I know how exhausting it can be so I understand why the mother wanted some time to relax at home before being bombarded with visitors.

On the other hand I can understand why the mother-in-law is upset as it doesn't seem like she was even invited up to the hospital which the other grandmother was and she just seems excited to see her grandchild.

Hopefully it will all resolve itself and everyone can forget the negativity and focus on the most important thing, the brand new baby.

Have you and your mother-in-law ever been at loggerheads? Tweet us about it at @herfamilydotie or comment on our Facebook page.