She leaves nothing to the imagination.
How did your first post-birth poo go?
Was it uneventful? Was it harrowing? Was it something you never want to speak about again thanks very much?
One mum who does want to talk about her’s again is Laura Mazza.
The mummy blogger recently gave birth via C-section was all ready to head home when she was told that she wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital before she had a bowel movement.
Laura, however, just couldn’t make it happen.
On her blog, she says:
“I told the nurse that I still couldn’t poop and I needed some assistance. She came back with some strong stuff and told me I would definitely poop tomorrow.
“Around 2-3am I was happily nursing my baby when my stomach started growling. There was a thunderstorm in my colon and cyclone borborygmus was on its way and it was going to be explosive.”
Oh, god.
She goes on:
“I tried again to dislodge the angry koala’s leach like suck on my breasts when he once again let out a squeal. “Do you want to get us both killed?” I tried to hush him and stuck him back on.
“I knew what I had to do, what I said I never would do. I had to bring him to the toilet and I had to take a shit while feeding him.”
Laura says that she ran to the toilet so quick she was fairly certain she split her stitches… but it was entirely necessary because her poop came out “like a wrecking ball.”
“I Miley Cyrus’d all over that bowl and let out a four days of jelly and custard and disgusting broth,” she says.
“I finally finished and flushed about 50 times and knew I had to put the baby down, even if he cried, so I could quickly scrub myself and the toilet to rid of all traces of numero due so when the nurse came back in she wouldn’t know about my secret shame.
“I opened the door feeling 10 pounds lighter and who should be standing there, but nurse Elizabeth. My attentive friend, who smiled at me and said “oh I’ll take the baby so you can wash your hands, looks like all that farting eventually led to something! You must feel great!”
“Amazing…” I replied.”
Grim. So grim.
