Every couple argues from time to time but there is one thing that you shouldn’t let fester in your relationship.
Marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman, who is the author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, has pinpointed contempt as the number one predictor of divorce.
While it’s perfectly normal to have arguments and show the odd sign of disgust, it is something that couples should make sure to address.
Mike McNulty, a Gottman Institute expert, told Marie Claire: “Partners who are headed towards divorce have the following tendencies: They become angry and use what we call the ‘four horsemen of the apocalypse or negative patterns of communication, which are criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness.’
“This leads to something we call ‘diffuse physiological arousal’ or ‘flooding’ – (when) one or both partners’ bodies releasing hormones as heart rates accelerate, muscles become tense, the skin becomes hot or sweaty, and the stomach feels nervous.”
He adds that it is when couples stop talking that divorce looks likely. In other words, if there is still a form of communication, the situation can be salvaged. This goes to show the importance of talking through any issues.
Signs of contempt include eye rolling, sneering, a sense of superiority and sarcasm.
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