It is the cliché that now rings true: the early years, when I was only stumbling through motherhood, those hours and days felt loooonng.
Now, with my eldest of two children approaching her fifth birthday, it feels like time is slipping by all too fast. And that’s frightening.
I look at pictures of her from just six months or a year ago and recognise how much has changed and how quickly she’s leaving behind her early childhood.
It’s blink-and-you-miss-it stuff. It’s a hop, skip, and a jump until she’s doing her Leaving Cert!
Do I do enough with her? Have I been good enough for her? How can I be more loving to her? Because raising an older child seems to put your parenting into a much harsher light.
Giulia came into the world at Holles Street in Dublin’s city centre on April 18, 2013.
She’s now in school. She also has a baby brother; Felix, aged a not-so babyish two-and-a-half (a status which allows to proudly declare that she knows ‘everything’ there is to know about being an older sibling).
But if the five years to date have been a whirlwind of motherhood, I suspect the next five will be even more so.
And so on this milestone of having a five-year-old child, here are the five things that the formative period of 2013-2018 has taught me:
1) Parenthood is surreal
Most starkly so when you go from not being a mum to being a mum in an incident, but actually that feeling of ‘WTF am I doing and is this creature really mine?’ never truly goes away. Sure, it evolves as you do as a parent, but I look at my daughter now and ask how I have an actual five-year-old who is so wonderful and no, it somehow still doesn’t quite feel real.
2) You are strong and capable
In my mind, nothing tests you like parenthood does. It’s emotionally, physically, and psychologically tough. That’s empowering. None of us can have it all… but many of us are giving that particular juggling act a pretty good shot nonetheless. My pre-child self just didn’t know what she was capable of.
3) Time is so precious
Time spent with your children, partner, wider family, and circle of friends. Time spent working. Time spent exercising and cooking; doing chores and errands. Time spent doing ‘stuff’. These days, everything is time-tabled and scheduled, marked in the calendar and ticked-off a list. Suffice-to-say, a lazy brunch with the Sunday papers doesn’t feature too often in my household. Seconds, minutes, and hours are just so valuable.
4) The power of parenthood
Think of all the amazing communities and groups (like the one we have here at HerFamily!) made up of very different people from all walks of life – but who share one common denominator: they’re a mum or dad. Being a parent gives you a universal language in which to communicate. It’s a circle of trust… and a powerful force to be reckoned with.
5) You can still be yourself
Everything is in perspective after a child comes into your life. Yet in many ways, having Giulia made me more focused and more ruthless to be the best I can – for me and for her. Sure everything around you changes – however, you also don’t have to lose sight of who you were before you had children.
